“It’s too early to tell,” he says diplomatically. “But in a perfect world, I don’t think it’ll affect it much at all. I wanted to be honest about who I am, but my music is still my music, regardless of who I am or am not sleeping with, right?”
He can’t stop his eyes from straying to Trevor, who is sitting on a couch across the room, listening from the other side of the glass. Trevor gives him a grin and a thumbs up.
The host of the show, Kelly Linette, tracks where he’s looking and smirks, but she doesn’t comment on it. She can’t. Everyone here knows the rules and the industry etiquette. And the NDA his manager made them sign ensures they’re not allowed to ever speak of the fact that Trevor was here with him.
But Trevorishere with him, and that means everything.
Skyler’s been doing this alone for so many years, gotten used to not having Trevor and the rest of the guys there to joke around with, to feed off oneanother’s energies. And it’s different, but he’s come to enjoy it. Is it narcissistic to say he enjoys the focus being solely on him andhismusic?
Now, though, having Trevor beside him again—figuratively, of course, since he’s on the other side of the room—it all comes flooding back to him. And he finds himself wishing for the first time in a long time that Boys Will Be Boys were still together.
But the ache is fleeting, replaced by a wash of affection for Trevor, coming here with him despite how it clearly made him nervous. And while the band will never be able to get back to what they once were, it seems like, miraculously, he and Trevor can. Skyler’s not sure if he truly deserves this second chance, but he’s going to work on deserving it every day for the rest of his life.
So when Kelly says, “I’m afraid it’s above my pay grade to comment on how fair the world is, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t ask more about your love life,” he keeps his cool. And when she says, “In your last interview you said you weren’t seeing anyone, but has that changed since coming out?” he lies. Because that’s what Trevor needs him to do.
“Nope,” he tells her. “I’ve been focused on my music. Working on some new material for my next album. And working on what I’m going to sing for you today, which I’m eager to do.”
Trevor’s posture had gone rigid at her question, but he uncrosses his arms and relaxes a little at Skyler’s answer.
Skyler hates being dishonest, but he realizes now that it’s not all about him. He needs to take Trevor’s needs into consideration too. And he knew what he was getting into when they started this up again.
When Trevor asked him that question the other day, in a shaky voice—What if I’m never ready?—it hurt Skyler to consider it. But then he realized that the important question isn’t whether Trevor will ever be ready for them to go public with their relationship. It’s whether Skyler can find a way to be okay with it if he’s not.
And he thinks—hehopes—he can.
Luckily, Kelly drops the subject and lets him get to the performance part fairly quickly after that. And this is where he really thrives. He’s addicted to the thrill of performing for huge crowds, but there’s something so intimate about singing like this, only him and his guitar and a camera getting a close-up of his face. He knows how much his fans will appreciate this.
When it’s time to sing “Haunted,” he puts his whole heart into it, locking eyes with Trevor and not looking away for even a moment until the song is finished. The cameraman graciously stays out of the way, filming him at an angle so that viewers will be able to see how Skyler’s looking off to the side. But they’ll never know who he was looking at.
That’s a secret he can’t share with his fans, and right now, he realizes he doesn’t even want to. His feelings for Trevor aren’t lessened by keeping them private. Not at all.
Afterward, when they get back to the penthouse, Trevor fucks him against the wall to celebrate. And for all Trevor’s said about not working out anymore, he has no trouble holding Skyler up with his hands gripped underneath Skyler’s thighs.
As Trevor frantically thrusts into him, instantly finding the right angle as if by magic, Skyler’s body burns with pleasure in the best way. And of course it does—because Trevor is the freaking sun.
It’s not until they’re on the couch later, in only their underwear and passing a bag of Sunchips back and forth between them, Skyler’s feet in Trevor’s lap, that he remembers the moment he had in the studio of wishing the band was still together.
Trevor, knowing him so well, catches the slight change in his facial expression and asks, “What are you thinking about?”
“Did you like my set?”
“I loved it. You were incredible. You always are.”
Skyler munches on another chip, stalling while he gets his thoughts together. “I love what I’m doing now. But sometimes it still seems strange to be doing all this without you and the rest of the guys. I feel guilty. Because we were supposed to do it together.”
Trevor reaches out, takes the bag to place it down, and then takes his hand. “Wediddo it together. And it was amazing. But things never stay the same forever, and you don’t have to feel bad about doing it on your own now. You’re allowed to love it.”
“But—”
“Uh-uh,” Trevor interrupts, shaking his head. “You earned all your success by being smart and hardworking and insanely talented. Embrace it, enjoy it.”
“I do know I earned it. It’s just that loving it so much can make me kind of sad too, becauseyouused to love it and you don’t anymore. And I’m basically responsible for that. If we were still in the band, you’d still be loving it.”
That’s the truth of it, really. While Skyler does feel bad for the way he blew up Jermaine, Oli, and Noah’s careers, it’s Trevor who matters more to him than anyone else. Trevor who he owes the most to.
And it’s Trevor who he let down the most.
“I understand what you’re saying,” Trevor tells him, squeezing his hand, “and I won’t tell you that your feelings aren’t valid. But even if things didn’t go down the way they did, who knows what would have happened instead? I think it’s fair for you to let go of that guilt now, because we probably wouldn’t have lasted this long anyway. C’mon, how many boy bands last a decade together?”
