“Mer? What is it?” the younger Nakht asked.
I couldn’t find him. Why couldn’t I find him? Had he failed? HadIfailed somehow?
Had I lost him forever outside of these memories?
I whirled around again, more and more frantic, but he wasn’t here. He wasn’t—
I bumped into the legs of an adult and leapt backward, fearing it was the soldier not yet drunk enough to have fallen for my ploy. But no, that wasn’t how this happened. Nakht and I had snuck away and remained safe throughout the night.
I looked up, and it was him, Nakht, even more handsome and perfect than I remembered. Each time I saw him, he looked more radiant, now with shimmering snake scales in his hair, gifted, I knew, by Seth himself for I had witnessed them together in rapturous display.
“Nakht—”
I threw myself forward to wrap my arms around his waist, but I gripped nothing, only emptiness as I plummeted into my next memory.
NAKHT
“Mer—!”
I felt around my waist where he had almost embraced me, but he was gone.
I had felt him knock into me, the little boy he had once been, but with his knowing, adult eyes when he looked up at me. Again I had to think what torture this was, yet I also had to believe these glimpses were a gift, for we were closer to keeping each other each time, so long as I did not falter.
I wouldn’t with Horus. Iwouldn’t. I thought it again and again as the underworld shrank beneath me, still being winged away by the falcon god. I couldn’t say for sure if we were leaving the underworld entirely. I assumed not, for the Duat was immeasurable and it was my duty to traverse it. We were in the sky but that was part of the gods’ realm too.
We landed, yet I saw nolandanywhere. We were simply on the steps of a great hall, but the building floated upon nothing, an abode in the sky, which made sense for the winged deity who looked down upon and watched over the prison of his…
Beloved?
Horus released me, tucking his wings behind him as he gestured for me to ascend the steps. “Go on,” he encouraged, voice gentle and soft, perhaps the kindest out of the others, justas Seth’s was the most fierce. “You need to recover your strength. We will dine first, and if you have questions for me, you needn’t hesitate to ask them.”
Of course he knew, just like Seth had known, where my curiosity lay.
I nodded and ventured ahead of Horus as directed.
His abode was the antithesis of Seth’s with a tall ceiling, open space, and everything bright and white and gleaming like we truly were up among the clouds, whereas Seth was condemned to his cave in the deep earth. That made it no less lonely looking to me, the bareness of the walls, where Seth had his armor and artwork made of snake scales and bones. Here, it was as if Horus wished to make no memories, to leave no impression, until Seth was free.
In the center of the open space, so minimally adorned, with but a small day bed in one corner and an area littered with scrolls in another, was a long table covered in bread, jars of honey, desserts, and bowls filled with dates, alongside every type of meat I could imagine, including some sort of stuffed bird, even cheeses and spices from distant lands. Pitchers of both wine and beer awaited me too. Not even in Pharaoh's halls had I seen such a feast.
There were two chairs, one on either side of the table, the shorter length, not across from one another at the longer ends, so I sat in the chair farthest from where we had entered and watched Horus take the seat opposite me.
He removed his headdress and set it on the table. I no longer knew what forms were true of the gods, but I thought this might be the real Horus, a winged man who wore armor to hide his wounded heart. Beneath his helm, he had short brown hair. There were some feathers in it, whether woven in or natural, I wasn’t sure, but he had none anywhere else on his person like Geb or Ra.
“Go on,” he said again, gesturing to the feast before me.
I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until this moment, so I filled my plate and took a few rejuvenating bites before I spoke. “If I overstep, my lord, please tell me, and I will beg forgiveness, but I must ask…”
“Yes?” Horus prompted with a tender smile. He too was filling his plate, but slower, not yet taking a bite.
“Seth all but admitted he fell in love with you during your contendings. You fell in love with him too, didn’t you?”
The sorrow returned that I had seen on Horus’s face when he bound Seth after their kiss, and he paused before answering to drink from a goblet of wine. “Osiris is the eternal calm. Seth is chaos. I am honestly something of both but was drawn to Seth’s wild spirit, to his primal rawness. As much as both order and chaos are needed, as gods, we must be above failings, even if drawn to them by our natures. Seth took things too far and must atone.”
“Then what truly happened between you two? Seth never told me fully.”
“When he pierced between my thighs you mean?” Horus smirked, and as I slowly ate and drank, careful to leave time between bites to respond where needed, I listened to his story. “Seth charmed me more easily than I expected. Our trials for the most part were enjoyable competitions. I was supposed to be winning back all Seth had stolen when he murdered Osiris, not having fun. Yet I was. The stories you share of either of us getting upset about some unfairness or another or allies picking sides, it wasn’t like that. Our challenges kept their own balance, and we enjoyed them all. Then one night, he tried to claim me, yes, and I rebuffed him.”
“The stories say you… caught his release in your hand.”
