“You haven’t done anything wrong,” she assures him through her tears. “Nothing.”
“Then why do I feel like I’ve been losing you for a while now?”
“Because I fell in love with someone else. With a woman.” The words burn in her throat, but she can’t bring herself to say them out loud.
“I’m just trying to find myself again,” she whispers.
Elliot remains motionless for several seconds. Then he nods, exhausted.
That night they sleep at opposite ends of the bed. And Seraphina stays awake until dawn, feeling like the worst person in the world.
The drive back to Manchester on Sunday afternoon is filled with a devastating silence. They don’t even argue. And that’s the worst part. An argument would have meant there was still something left to salvage. But Elliot seems completely drained.
He drives, staring straight ahead as the rain once again engulfs the highway.
Seraphina holds the phone in her hands the entire way, not daring to text. While Elliot is falling apart trying to hold on to her, Nerissa seems able to move on without her.
When they get home, it takes Elliot several seconds to turn off the engine.
“The kids are coming back tomorrow after school. Let’s at least try not to let them notice that their mom and dad aren’t even looking at each other anymore, okay?” he says, without looking at her.
“Okay,” Seraphina replies.
Elliot gets out of the car and starts unloading the suitcases. Seraphina enters the house alone. The entryway is dark and empty, and as she hears Elliot moving around outside the car, something inside her finally breaks.
She rushes upstairs to the bathroom, locks the door, and collapses. The trembling starts in her hands and spreads throughout her body. She leans against the marble sink, trying to breathe as tears blur her vision.
She can’t go on like this. She can’t think about Nerissa and pretend to live a normal life again. She can’t keep splitting herself in two every day.
She pulls out her phone and opens the secret chat she has with her. The cursor blinks. It takes her almost a minute to type.
“I can’t keep doing this, Nerissa. It’s over.”
Tears fall onto the screen.
“I can’t take it anymore.”
She stares at the message for several seconds. Then she hits send and feels exactly as if she were tearing a vital part of her body out with her bare hands.
Chapter 12
“God… tomorrow’s Monday again,” Nerissa complains.
It’s Sunday night, and the city has fallen into that peculiar silence that settles over big cities, when the lights from the bars reflect off the pavement and people quicken their pace to escape the cold.
She’s had her phone tucked into her pants pocket for the past twenty minutes, as if pressing it against her thigh could erase the words she’s read over and over since Seraphina sent them. “I can’t keep doing this. It’s over, Nerissa. I can’t take it anymore.” She didn’t say, “I’m sorry.” She didn’t offer an explanation either. It’s the kind of message someone writes when they decide to amputate a part of their body before the infection devours every cell.
“At least I managed to squeeze in some time to see the guys…”
Maeve opens the door to Callum’s apartment with a beer in her hand and an oversized T-shirt from an Irish band slipping off one shoulder. As soon as Nerissa steps inside, she tries to smile.
Clearly, she doesn’t manage it. No matter how much she adores the little couple her brother and her best friend make.
“Damn, you look terrible,” Maeve blurts out bluntly, stepping aside to let her in while watching her closely. “How many hours have you gone without sleep?”
“Not enough to put up with your comments,” Nerissa replies, taking off her coat.
Maeve raises an eyebrow and closes the door.
