One quarter to go. We fucking got this.
*
The second thegame is over, Michelle, Isla, and I are jumping and cheering, arms wrapped around each other while we celebrate our narrow win. It wasn’t the prettiest game of the season, but we won 13–10—the only Pulse touchdown from Hunter.
Michelle wipes tears from her eyes as I look toward the field. I swear it feels like the fucking Super Bowl or something with how loud the stadium is.
I see my father right away. He storms off the field, a sore loser like always. The media has swamped the turf, all trying to get a clip or soundbite, intuiting how big of a game this was for both teams, even if they’re on the wrong track about the underlying reasons.
Despite losing the game, Desmond hugs Hunter, the two of them squeezing each other tightly. That’s what friendship and sportsmanship look like—Desmond gave it his all tonight, and he’s not mad at the Pulse win. He wanted this for Hunter.
And because we’re together, maybe even for me.
The second they part, Oakley and another player lift Hunter in the air as if he weighs nothing, celebrating what this win means to my guy.
When he’s on his feet again, Hunter scans the crowd, but in all the commotion, struggles to find us.
A reporter grabs him, holds a mic in front of Hunter, speaking with him. It’s hard to see his face, but I don’t doubt he’s wearing the biggest smile. He wipes the sweat off his face as he finishes the interview, then follows his team into the locker room.
It will be a while until Hunter can leave. He’ll need to do the postgame press conference first. But we have passes and make our way to the family waiting room, Isla and Michelle still high from the win, and while I am too, it’s like everything is finally catching up with me, creating this tornado in my head. I can feel the sweat on my hairline, and Michelle stops, concern creasing her brow. “Are you okay?” she asks, hand on my back.
“Yeah…I just…need a minute.”
She nods, looking reluctant.
“I’m okay. Everything just caught up with me.”
“All right. I’ll check on you in a minute. I’m here if you need me.”
Isla gives me a sad smile as the door closes behind her and Michelle. I walk down the quiet hallway, find a cubbyhole where I’m not in view, and slink into it. My back hits the wall, and I slide down it, hands in my hair, breaths comingout too quickly. I try to slow them, to get ahold of myself, try to make sense of my life and Hunter being mine, winning this game, and…my phone rings.
Without looking, I somehow know who it is. This time, I answer.
“Are you okay?” Mom asks. “This has to be a lot. I know you keep going, keep pushing through, but then you crash, and I just needed to make sure you’re okay.”
She’s right. I do that. I’m doing that now. She knows…and she called.
“Trying to be,” I admit, fully aware I should be much happier than I am right now. “Do you hate me?”
“No, Lucas. I could never hate you, and I’m so sorry you even have to ask me that. I just want you to be happy. I always just want you to be happy. I haven’t done a good job showing you that.”
“You tried,” I say, but then add, “You could have tried more.” Because it’s true and I need her to know.
“I’ll do better. I promise you. I…I can’t believe your father did that. He didn’t even tell me about you and Hunter before saying that in an interview. You didn’t deserve that, neither of you did, and I can’t…I can’t pretend it’s okay anymore. I can’t make excuses for him anymore.”
I sit up straighter. “What do you mean?”
“I asked for a divorce. I didn’t want to text that to you. I know it’s better to talk about it in person, but I need you to know. I can’t do this with him anymore. I never should have let him hurt either of you, to put so much pressure on both you and Ellis, but I’m done now. I can’t forgive this. The way he tried to hurt you…” Her voice breaks, and then she lets loose, crying into the phone. Silent tears stream down my face too, and I quickly wipe them away.
Mom and I have a lot to talk about, a lot to discuss, butfor the first time in my life, I feel she’s really choosingme. “It’s okay, Mom. We’ll figure it out. Michelle is staying here through Christmas. We’ll do something at Hunter’s. Isla will be there as well. I’d really love it if you could come.”
“I’ll be there,” she promises. “I love you, Lucas, so much, and I’m happy for you and Hunter.”
“I love you too. And I love him. I’ve always loved him.” Maybe I shouldn’t admit that, but I want her to know the truth.
“I could tell you had a crush on him when you were younger. That must’ve been difficult.”
“It was, but we didn’t… I never… I wouldn’t have done that to Ellis.” I don’t know why it hits me in this moment, that I wouldn’t have ever hurt my brother that way. I lied to myself for years, made myself the bad guy, but I would have never betrayed my brother. I loved him.
