“Yes. My brother’s boyfriend. Former boyfriend? They never broke up. Ellis died.”
“I hate it when you do that.”
“Blow my brother’s boyfriend?”
“No. Act like you don’t care, whether it’s about Hunter or Ellis. When you’re hurting, you play everything off with a joke.”
“In my defense, I do that whether I’m hurting or not.”
Isla sighs, getting frustrated with me. Can’t say I blame her. “We’ve been hanging out. And it just happened. It was just sex. A means to get off.”
“Can it be ‘just sex’ when you’ve been in love with him most of your life?” She quirks a brow.
“I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him. More like infatuated. I probably only want him because he’s Ellis’s.”
“That’s not true and you know it. You’re always doing that, always finding a way to put yourself down and make yourself the bad guy. You wouldn’t only want Hunter because he used to date your brother. God, your fucking father did a number on you.”
My spine stiffens. “This has nothing to do with him.”
“Everything has everything to do with him, but I don’t want to talk about your dad right now. If I could commit murder with no chance of going to prison, I would kill your dad.”
I squeeze her hand. “What are best friends for?”
“Aww, you called me your best friend. Usually, you pretend not to have feelings.”
“Except apparently with the man you think I’m in love with.”
“The man Iknowyou’re in love with. What happened?”
“Well, first we were sitting on the couch and he startedtouching my hand, and then I straddled him and—”
Isla laughs. “Not the fucking hookup, you asshole. Afterward.”
I absolutely knew what she was asking, but it’s a whole lot easier to talk about the sex than the aftermath. “He got up, said, ‘I can’t do this with you, Lucas, not you,’ got dressed, and left.” I rest my elbows on the desk, rubbing a hand over my face.
“You know that wasn’t personal, right?”
“It felt pretty fucking personal. He stressed thenot you.”
“Because he was in a relationship with your brother, and because he’s close with your asshole father, and because it’s probably a very weird and scary situation for him. That wasn’t about you.”
It’s really hard to see that when it’s someone I’ve been infatuated with basically forever.
“Anyway, that was Sunday. I haven’t talked to him since.”
“It’s only been a couple of days. I’m sure he’s feeling a lot of conflicting emotions too.”
I huff at thetoo. “That’s the thing. I’m not. I mean, I am. I realize I’m a complete dickhead for wanting him, but I would do it again, Isla. What the fuck does that say about me?”
“That you’re human. That you’ve watched him be with your brother and it tore you up inside, and then your brother died, and Hunter is still here. And he can’t stay single forever.”
“Still not the same as fucking your boyfriend’s brother.”
“Babe.” She grabs my hand. “He’s not Ellis’s boyfriend. Ellis has been dead for three years.”
“That doesn’t mean what I did wasn’t wrong.”
“What youbothdid. You weren’t there alone. Hunter is an adult, and he was there too. Both of you made the decisionto do what you did, and you’re allowed.”
