“Shut up and eat your veggies.” He points to my food, as though I’m the one who needs that reminder.
I don’t understand what’s going on here, why I suddenly enjoy spending time with Lucas so much, but I do, so I am, and that confuses me.
I press my fork into a chunk of zucchini and bite it playfully in front of him. He rolls his eyes, but there’s a small smile on his face as he eats some of his, then fake-gags.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Not the worst thing I’ve been called.”
“You know, even though I call you an asshole, I don’t think you are one.”
His brows pinch together. “Thanks, but you should.”
“Well, I don’t.” It’s important he knows that. Sure, Lucas can be prickly, and he can come off as an asshole, but that’s not who he really is.
“You always try to see the good in people,” Lucas says, “and when you find it, you focus on that instead of the bad. That’s a good quality to have, but don’t let it color your impression of who people are.”
I’m not sure how to answer that. I don’t think Lucas is only talking about himself right now. I’ve always felt uncomfortable, ashamed even, of the way I let Coach Blake treat him, and sometimes even me. I’m aware I’ve ignored his bad qualities, but I don’t have it in me to forget everything he’s done for me.
“I know who you are,” I say, focusing on Lucas rather than his father. “You’re the guy who texted me after my game, knowing how terribly I played, but didn’t bring up football.You knew I would need someone to talk to who didn’t make the whole conversation about my game. You’re the guy who didn’t complain when your dad brought home your brother’s favorite cake for your birthday.”
“Maybe I didn’t complain, but I hated him for it, and sometimes I hated Ellis for it too, even though it wasn’t his fault.” He says it with the same guilt my thoughts are often coated with when I think about Ellis. Like we’re carrying around all this baggage from our relationships with him. Maybe that’s partly why things feel simpler with Lucas. We seem to be on the same wavelength. Has that always been there, or is it new?
“That’s normal human behavior, Lucas. How could you not have complicated feelings for Ellis?”
“He’s my brother.”
As much as I love Ellis, I can admit that he had his imperfections when it came to his brother too. “Ellis was jealous of you, of your talent, and sometimes he let that get in the way of being a good brother.” The words taste bitter on my tongue, feel like I should never have set them free, but I can’t let Lucas sit here and beat himself up over their relationship struggles when they weren’t one-sided.
“What about that play in the fourth when you got that block to protect your QB? You kept two men away from him on your own.”
“Back to complimenting me,” I say, knowing what he’s doing and willing to let him. Why would I want to talk about things that hurt, when so much of the last few years of my life have been spent hurting? “That was really fucking good.” I grin at him, then take another bite.
Lucas sighs like he’s had enough of me, then does the same.
We eat and talk, Lucas actually finishing the grilledvegetables he complained so much about. I watch him smoke another cigarette. Honestly, I didn’t think people our age still smoked those. It’s always vapes now.
We go back inside, easily working side by side to clean up after dinner.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” he asks.
“That depends. Is it going to be a film with subtitles or one that has some deep, hidden meaning I have to figure out?”
Lucas isn’t a shy guy. Never has been. So I’m fairly certain this is the first time I’ve seen him blush, his cheeks brightening into a soft pink. “If you don’t stop remembering everything about me, I’ll think you’ve been stalking me.”
“Is that weird? That I remember all these things about you?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I guess it’s just you. And we don’t have to watch one of those movies. We can watch anything you want.”
He picks up the cupcake, then surprises me by wrapping his other hand around my wrist and pulling me with him into the living room. I go easily, the two of us sitting down on the couch. I take off my shoes to get more comfortable, my resting heart rate feeling faster than normal.
We settle on a drama, Lucas setting his socked feet on the table as he digs into the cupcake. He takes his first bite, then moans like it’s the best thing he’s ever put into his mouth, the sound shooting straight for the last part of me it should be heading, making my dick twitch. “God, this is good. The vegetables were worth it.”
“So, to get you to eat better, I need to buy you junk food? I’m not sure that evens out.” Really, I don’t care how he eats. Lucas is a grown man who can do what he wants, but it’s fun to tease him.
“Oh, it does. It definitely does.” He takes another bite,and I find that my gaze is still firmly locked on him rather than the television in front of us. He licks cream cheese frosting from his lips, not seeming worried about the crumbs on his shirt as he enjoys the treat.
Lucas is so…Lucas. This mixture of freedom and independence, of troubled and kind, artistic and wild, a quiet calm to the chaotic storm my life feels like.
