I look at him, my ears echoey, blood rushing throughthem like river rapids.
Lucas is exactly what I expected and yet nothing like it. Despite how long I’ve known him, I’ve never known him like this, and right now, all I can think is how comfortable it is to be with him, how soothing…and that I want more.
CHAPTER NINE
Lucas
I’m probably oversteppinga million boundaries. That’s what I always do. I take what I want, say what I want, do what I want because I’m selfish, but I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
Hunter doesn’t respond, instead taking a bite of his burrito. I do the same, the two of us sitting on the balcony, on a perfect September day, with the sounds of West Hollywood around us.
“You’ve done well for yourself,” Hunter says before taking a drink of his orange juice. He’s only a year older than me, but he and Ellis always felt like grown-ups compared to me. “Abbie told me about some of the events you’ve photographed and magazines you’ve shot for.”
“She has?” I ask, both surprised and not. Mom’s not perfect, but she’s always been my biggest supporter. Still, I can’t imagine why she’d talk to Hunter about me.
“Yeah. She’s proud of you. She loves you.”
“Well, that makes one of my parents.” I grin, then take a drink as well, as though the juice can wash away the bitter truth of my shitty relationship with my father.
“I don’t know why he’s always been so hard on you,” Hunter says.
“Yes, you do. He likes to get his way, and I’ve never givenit to him. I’m not who he wanted me to be, and I didn’t try like Ellis did.”
Hunter flinches at the mention of my brother, and for a moment, I wonder what it would be like to be loved that way by someone. Isla does, even if not in a romantic way. My mom does. I know she would grieve me, but it’s not the same as the relationship Hunter and Ellis had. The two of them had fit from the start. In any other circumstance, my father wouldn’t have been happy about Ellis coming out, but when coming out was coupled with being in a relationship with Hunter, that made it okay, even if at first he didn’t want them to be public. Their transition to being a couple was natural, accepted in a sport that’s not known for being accepting, but with them, it hadn’t mattered.
“He loved your dad.” Hunter doesn’t look at me. “But he loved football too. It wasn’t all for Coach Blake.”
I fight myself not to roll my eyes at his use of that moniker for my dad. He always has and always will, and my father fucking loves it.
“Just another way Ellis was perfect.”
A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. Hunter has great lips, full and smooth, his pink tongue sneaking out often to lick them. I would do that for him if he wanted me to, no matter how wrong it is.
“He was, wasn’t he?” Hunter says.
“Annoyingly so.”
“It was hard to keep up with sometimes.”
I cock my head, studying him. It’s something I think and feel, but not something I ever thought Hunter would. How fucking can he, when he’s so goddamned good too? It makes sense coming from me, the jealous brother and all, but not from him.
Hunter’s eyes squeeze closed. “I shouldn’t have said that.Ellis was great.”
My frown deepens. “He can still be great, and your feelings can still be valid. It was fucking hard to live up to Ellis.” Because he was great. Like my mom, Ellis wasn’t perfect, but he was good. And I do know he loved me despite the challenges in our relationship, and I know what he had with Hunter was real, even from that first day Hunter came around. He’d invited him to be a good friend; it just so happened that having Hunter ended up being exactly what Dad had always wanted.
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
I let out a sigh of relief because honestly, I don’t want to talk about him either. I want to forget how wrong it is to spend time with Hunter, and that’s easier to do if my brother isn’t always there.
My brother, who would have never crushed on someone I loved.
My brother, who wouldn’t be here with Hunter right now if the situation were reversed.
“Talk about who?” I tease, and Hunter offers a small chuckle in return.
“This is good.” He holds up the burrito before taking a bite.
“Yes, I tried this new thing no one has heard of—eggs, potatoes, turkey sausage, onion, and cheese in a low-calorie tortilla. I’m basically a chef.”
