Walking back out the front door, I head toward Sarah’s house. I know she just got home, and Ethan would have beenhome an hour ago since he can’t be out at all once the sun starts rising.
“Sarah,” I call out as I walk through the front door, tears running down my cheeks. Every time I am happy, something happens to ruin it.
“What’s up Lina? Why aren’t you—Why are youcrying? Did Bash do something? I’ll kill him. I don’t know how, but I will. He was shit anyway. Fuck him.” I start laughing through the tears at her sudden defense of me even though she knows everything she said is a lie.
“No,” sob, “it’s not,” sob, “Bash,” hiccough and sob. Recounting what happened with Grand-mere today and on Sunday breaks my heart even further. I always considered my relationship with Grand-mere as strong and unconditional. I am beginning to realize that what I thought was unconditional love was me always doing what she wanted and expected. I had never gone against her or done anything different and so, she never had a reason to voice her displeasure with me. I’m so heart sick that she refuses to understand this. I don’t know what she has been through but there has to be room for understanding, doesn’t there?
Today I realized that Bash is my future. That I am falling in love with him. I want to choose him—my heart is so full of him. And with that, I realize that I may have to sacrifice my relationship with the person who means the world to me if I want him. How is it possible for your heart to be perfect and broken at the same time?
“Stay here today,” Sarah says as she leads me to the guest room and we curl up together while I cry. I try to think logically through everything, but all I see is him. His face. His smell. His love that surrounds me.
Make me love you?
I think I already do.
