I follow her, each step heavier than the next with the weight of what I’m about to do. “No, I can’t be with you.”
“You mean you don’t want to accompany me to any more events?” She kicks off her high heels and lifts one foot to massage her toes, painted a deep, rich purple to match her dress. “I can’t say I’m not a little disappointed. But I guess I could live with that.”
“You shouldn’t have to live with it. You should be with a guy who’s willing to support you one hundred and ten percent. Who’s proud to be by your side every step of the way. And I’m sorry, but that guy’s not me.”
Tears are welling up in her eyes, each one a tiny knife to my heart. “Look, I know tonight didn’t go well. But we can find a way to make it work.”
“What if I don’t want to find a way?”
I mentally cross my fingers behind my back for the lie. But if I tell her the truth—that I’m doing this for her—I’m afraid she won’t let me walk away. That she’ll choose me over her career and grow to resent that choice later. And that’s a chance I’m not willing to take.
She flinches as if I’ve physically struck her. “Please tell me you’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”
“I did this once with my father. I can’t do it again. I’m not cut out for the limelight.”
“If that’s what you really want...”
Her voice trails off, giving me one last chance to change my mind.
I don’t. I can’t.
“You can stay here for as long as you need. But I think it would be best if you started looking for a new place as soon as possible.”
I turn and head for the sanctuary of my bedroom. No stopping. No looking back, not even when I hear her soft sobs.
Because if I do, it will be me who won’t be able to walk away.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Brie
IHESITATEBEFOREinserting the key I haven’t had the heart to return to Connor into the lock on the door of what, for a brief time, I considered our apartment. Emotion clogs my throat, and it takes a few tries for me to speak.
“Are you sure he’s not going to be here?”
Ainsley nods. “Positive. He and Jake have a ten o’clock meeting with the contractor overseeing the renovations at the club. There’s no way they’ll be done before lunchtime.”
“Good.” Sneaking in to grab the rest of my stuff when he’s not home may be a chickenshit move, but I don’t care. I’m not anywhere near ready to face him.
I let us into the loft. When I walk through the door, a sad sense of familiarity overwhelms me, and I suck in a breath and try to collect myself, not wanting my friend to see how much being here is affecting me.
I didn’t think it would be this hard. It’s been almost a month since I moved out the morning after the film festival. Even that’s not enough time to erase the pain of our epic, messy breakup.
Ainsley puts a hand on my shoulder. “You okay?”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding. So much for not letting her see me break down.
“No,” I admit. “But I will be. Eventually.”
Maybe if I keep telling myself that, it will become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Mirri and Ajani come padding out from who knows where to greet me. I kneel down to pet their furry little heads, tears threatening the backs of my eyelids.
Ainsley lets her ever-present messenger bag slide off her shoulder to the floor and squats next to me, reaching out to scratch Ajani between the ears. “I still think you’re making a mistake.”
I drop my bag next to hers and swipe a traitorous tear from the corner of my eye. She’s wrong, but she means well. And as much as I hated having to run back to her and Jake with my tail tucked between my legs, I’m grateful they took me in. Again.
“I’m not sure what you expect me to do. It’s not like Connor gave me much choice.”
