Which made me distrust my feelings even more. Because they felt… ancient. As if some part of him had loved me for far longer than either of us understood.
It terrified me.
And it made me ache.
So, I did what I had never done with a challenge before. I avoided him.
I skipped communal meals. Took odd hours in the gym. Buried myself in old Earth records and whatever scraps ofinformation Dravok shared about Ashera and Caelor. I told myself I needed time to think.
Only at night, in the dark, did I allow myself to face the truth: I was afraid.
Afraid that if Thyros touched me again, I would stop resisting.
Afraid that if I gave him my body, my heart would follow.
Afraid that I would wake up one morning and discover the fierce, stubborn woman I had fought so hard to become had dissolved into destiny.
On the third day, I wandered into the main breakroom in search of caffeine and solitude. I found Ella and Nadine instead. Ella sat curled in one of the padded chairs, a steaming mug clasped between both hands. Her red-brown hair was piled into a messy knot, and she wore a soft sweater that somehow made her look as comforting as the smell of fresh bread.
Nadine stood at the counter, assembling what appeared to be an alarming quantity of fruit, yogurt, and nutritional supplements with scientific precision.
Both looked up when I entered. Ella’s face lit immediately. “Naeris!”
The warmth in her voice made something inside me soften. For all the chaos of the past week, these women had become an unexpected anchor.
Nadine glanced over her shoulder, taking in my expression with unnerving accuracy.
“You look sleep-deprived,” she observed. “And emotionally conflicted.”
I stopped in the doorway.
Ella shot her a look. “Nadine.”
“What?” Nadine set down her spoon. “It’s an objective assessment.”
Despite myself, I laughed. The sound felt rusty, but real.
Ella patted the seat beside her. “Come sit with us.”
I hesitated only a moment before crossing the room. The three of us settled together in the quiet hum of the breakroom, the kind of ordinary moment that felt almost miraculous considering the cosmic insanity surrounding us.
For a while, we spoke of harmless things, the appalling state of Pandraxian coffee, the fact that Zapharos apparently did not understand the concept oftaking a day off. The stubbornness of the men's belief that they were gods. Here, Nadine and Ella argued good naturedly with each other, making me laugh now and then.
But the question lodged in my chest refused to go away. Finally, I wrapped both hands around my mug and stared into the dark liquid. I pulled my nerves together, feeling foolish. I had led attacks on Sythari ships with less fear than a simple question should be able to hold. “How do you know?”
Ella tilted her head. “Know what?”
I swallowed. The words were harder to say than I expected. “How do you know if what you feel is real?” My voice dropped. “Or if the bond is simply forcing you to want them.”
Silence settled over the table.
Not uncomfortable.
Thoughtful.
Ella exchanged a glance with Nadine.
Nadine was the first to speak. “I asked myself the same question. Repeatedly.”
