“That he does. He is utterly besotted. And she with him. Seeing the two of them together has been quite a pleasure.” And he meant it. Noah’s happiness seemed to know no bounds, making Ian extremely happy for his brother.
Rhiannon nodded. “I’m looking forward to seeing it for myself.” There was something almost sad in her tone that touched Ian.
He wanted to comfort her, to ask what she was thinking if she were willing to share, but he was also scared to hear what her answer might be because he had an idea that what she wanted was someone to love for herself, and while he wanted to be that man, he didn’t know if he could be.
Rhiannon concentrated on the shadows, a feat that was proving very hard when standing next to Ian. Every time she was around him, it was as if her body took over. All of her senses heightened. She slowed her breath, trying to quell the over-beating of her heart. She attempted to ignore his breathing or how his warmth sank into her skin.
But it didn’t help. Being in his presence made her heart thump harder against her ribs, and her breaths came a little faster. Peering at him from the side of her eyes, she hoped he didn’t notice her reactions. Even her hands were clammy, her fingers curling in, pressing her nails to her palms to ground herself. She rubbed them against her skirts and squinted into the darkness.
Focus.
“Well.” Ian cleared his throat, something she’d noticed he seemed to do only around her. “If ye’re going to take the second watch, ye should probably take first sleep.”
Rhiannon drew a long breath, letting it out her nose, and then turned to face him. But that had been a mistake. Because he turned simultaneously, and their bodies were practically flush. Any ideas she might have had about maintaining propriety or distance or trying to ignore the way her insides quaked were instantly gone as if they never existed. “I’m not tired yet,” she whispered.
Ian’s eyes widened a fraction, the muscles in his jaw flexing. “Nay?” He sounded choked as if it were an effort to push out the single syllable.
She shook her head and took a step closer, the tips of her boots touching his. Soon, they were going to be a Douglass’s castle, and she’d be pampered and hovered over by her cousin and likely not have a chance to be alone with Ian again. And she’d spent hours, days even, contemplating what she wanted out of life. The only conclusion she’d been able to reach was this: she was fairly certain she was falling for Ian Sinclair.
If he caught wind of her sentiments or even returned them a fraction, there was a good chance that when they reached the holding, he would leave her there and disappear, escaping as she felt him itching to do in the moments that she caught him staring.
The idea of him walking out of those castle doors and her never seeing him again made her chest ache. It was true they hadn’t known each other long, but in the short time they’d been acquainted, they’d experienced more than some people ever did in a lifetime. There was a mutual understanding between them of each other’s needs in life. A respect for one another’s talents.
She’d never risked her life for anyone—but she’d done it more than once now for him. The truth was Rhiannon cared deeply for the man. Dare she even say this was love? He made her feel good, more than good.
She reached out, her fingers gently brushing his but not taking hold. A silent question. She’d never been this bold before. She peered at him through the fringe of her lashes, not to be coy, but because she wasn’t certain she could face rejection if it were written on his face.
“Ian, I…” she started but stopped, biting her lip.
He drew a deep, shuddering breath but didn’t push her away. His fingers threaded around hers. Calloused palms flatted to hers. Their intertwined fingers fit perfectly together. He touched her chin, tilting her face so she could no longer stare at him through her lashes but meet his gaze head-on.
“Make no mistake, lass,” he murmured. “I want to kiss ye. I just dinna think I should.”
Rhiannon wished she could wipe away his resistance. Of course, he was being a gentleman, and it was commendable. “You do not need to be a gentleman. We don’t know what’s going to happen. If we’ll make it to the castle or not,” she said. “And if we don’t, I’ll forever regret not taking advantage of this moment, of my…desire for you.”
“And if I took the gift ye offered, ye may regret giving it to me in the morning.” But even as he said it, he tugged her closer, where her hand was clasped with his, and he pressed it to his chest.
“I can assure you, I’d have no regrets. The only one I’d have is not taking this opportunity to have something I want. All my life, my uncle prepared me to defend myself and stand up for myself and what I wanted. And in one small moment of weakness, my brother took everything away. Imprisoned me. Decided my fate.” She pressed her palm over his heart. “Before you came, I was already planning to leave. I’d sent my cousin those three letters, but I’d also packed a bag. The morning you found me, I was scouting the perimeter to see where my brother’s men were, how far they would let me walk because, make no mistake, I was going to take my fate into my own hands.”
Because he knew her so well, Ian didn’t look surprised. He nodded as if he’d expected it. “I’m glad I was there. No telling what could have happened on the road to Scotland alone.”
She smiled. “’Tis true. I was willing to risk my life and safety to escape, and you have certainly made the journey safer and faster. But please do not confuse my desire for you as some sort of…I don’t know, some sort of payment.”
“Och, lass, that is the furthest thing from my mind.”
“Then…what is holding you back?” Rhiannon shocked herself at how bold she was being. How easily the questions came off her tongue. But it was only proof of how he made her feel. Alive and safe. She trusted him with her emotions and her body.
With Ian, she didn’t mind being herself and sharing her thoughts. She didn’t feel that he would censure her or judge her. He was invested in what she had to say.
“I thought I wanted to be an adventurer,” he said.
Beneath her palm, she felt his heart beat a little faster.
“You are an adventurer, Ian. Look where we are.” She glanced around the croft with its roof caved in on one side. “If this isn’t an adventure, I don’t know what is.”
“For life.”
The words were heavy with meaning, and Rhiannon tried to swallow her disappointment. She should back away now. Forget all of this and him. But she couldn’t. Not yet. “I do not think kissing me takes away your sense of adventure.” She smiled up at him, not a teasing or a shy one, but a smile that said she’d respect whatever decision he made. “If anything…you are tempting fate. Let’s call it for what it is.”
