My reply is instant.
No.
I look around the apartment again.At the silence.At the absence of her.The unbearable stillness where Vanessa had somehow already woven herself into every corner of my life without me noticing exactly when it happened.Christ.I silence my phone and spend the rest of the night sitting alone on my couch listening to records without hearing a single song.
Tuesday is worse.Because now the shock has worn off and there’s an aching I’m not familiar enough with to know what to do with it.I force myself into the studio in the afternoon, and steel myself for what I’m sure is about to rain down on me.
I’ve never missed a session before.Ever.And honestly, at this point, I just don’t particularly care what the hell anyone thinks.
The second I walk inside, conversation dies.Not in a dramatic way, but enough that it’s noticeable.Dean looks up first from where he’s sprawled across the couch with a guitar in his lap.
“Well,” he drawls, “nice of you to show the fuck up.”
On any other day, I’d tell him to go fuck himself.Today I just toss my coat over a chair and reach for my bass.That alone seems to set off alarm bells to everyone.
Mikey lowers the cup in his hand.“Oh no.”
“What?”I grunt.
“You didn’t insult Dean.”
“Something must be seriously wrong,” Mikey summarizes, angling his head at me as he stares in my direction.
Sadie appears from the small kitchen area carrying a protein bar and frowns when her gaze lands on me.“You, okay?”
“No.”The honesty slips out before I can stop it.
Silence descends around the room.Not awkward silence.Concerned silence.And somehow that feels worse.
Luc watches me without a word from across the room for another long second before nodding once toward the recording booth and breaks the strained silence.“Let’s run Angel’s Curse.”
We try.Christ, I try.I really do.But my head isn’t in it.I miss notes.Come in half a beat late twice.Play too aggressive during one section hard enough that Dean stops mid-song and stares in disappointment at me.
“Okay,” he chuffs.“Either tell us what happened or you need to step the fuck off.”
I drop my head, my chin resting against my chest.Exhaustion presses behind my eyes like a migraine.“She left.”
Nobody speaks for two full seconds.Then, “Oh,” from Sadie.And somehow that tiny word nearly breaks me in half.Because now it’s real.
Luc walks out from behind the mic, his brow furrowing.“Take five everyone, and give us the room.”
Nobody argues.I set my bass in its stand before rubbing both hands over my face.God, I’m so tired.When did I get so damn tired?
Luc waits until the others disappear before speaking again.“You wanna talk about it?”
I laugh once without humor.“Do I ever want to talk about it?”
“Fair.”He doesn’t push me for more.That’s always been the thing about Luc.He waits people out instead of cornering them.I watch as he grabs two beers out of the fridge, opens both and then hands me one.
“She said I only know how to love her behind closed doors,” I blurt out in shame.
Luc listens, nods, but still doesn’t speak.
“I thought I was protecting what we had.”My throat tightens around the words.“Turns out I was hiding her inside it.”
Silence stretches between us, Luc blowing out a small exhale before speaking.“You love people like losing them is inevitable.”
The words hit hard enough I physically flinch.Because fuck, he’s right, and Emily flashes through my head.Six years old.Dark curls.Blood on snow.I look away, pressing my eyes closed against the memory.
