“I’m pulling away because I don’t know where I actually fit in his life.”
Nicole’s face softens further at that.And then the truth spills easier than I meant it to.“He looks at me sometimes like I’m everything.”My throat tightens.“And then there are moments where it still feels like I only exist in the controlled little space he’s built for me.”
Nicole studies me before responding.“Do you think he’s ashamed of you?”
“No.”The answer comes without hesitation.“God, no.”
“Then what?”
I stare out the apartment window at the snow drifting through the darkening city.“I think he only knows how to love privately,” I admit.“And I don’t know if I can survive being loved that way again.”
Silence hangs between us as I slide the dress over my head and then slip my feet into heels.Nicole sighs.“Made more difficult by the fact that he’s sex on a stick.”
I laugh despite myself.
“Which means,” she continues, “you’re probably screwed.”
“Thank you, Dr.Phil.”
“You’re welcome.”
A knock sounds at my apartment door before I can analyze things further with her.Hayden.My pulse jumps under my skin.
Nicole notices and smirks.“Oh my God, look at your face.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“Tell your terrifying bass player I said hi.”
I end the call before she can say anything else and cross the apartment, pulse thudding harder with every step.The second I open the door, Hayden’s gaze lifts to mine.
Snow dusts the shoulders of his dark wool coat.A black dress shirt is visible beneath it, tie loosened slightly at his throat like he’d been fighting with it in the car.His hair is damp from the weather outside, his dark eyes dragging over me with an intensity that turns my knees weak.
“Well,” his voice rougher than usual.“That feels unfair.”
My mouth curves despite myself.“You’re staring.”
“You’re breathtaking.”The words land too perfect.And all of a sudden, I’m at a loss as to how I should feel about him again.Because even though Hayden Sloane may not know how to love someone publicly, he absolutely loves me like he needs his next breath.
Snow falls harder by the time Hayden’s car pulls up outside the theater.Enough to dust sidewalks and glow gold beneath the city lights while people hurry along Michigan Avenue wrapped in scarves and wool coats.The entire night feels cinematic.Like this is playing out from a script that someone else wrote.
Hayden rounds the front of the car the second I step onto the curb, one gloved hand settling on instinct at my waist as his eyes drag over me again.That look still destroys me.The dark green silk dress had felt a tad eccentric when I bought it years ago, but tonight, under Hayden’s gaze, it feels like a weapon.
“You’re staring again,” I goad while smoothing one hand down the front of my coat.
“I’m trying to figure out how you keep getting more beautiful.”The answer comes out so sincerely that my chest aches a little.God.This man.
Warmth spills around us the second we step inside the theater lobby.Chandeliers glow overhead while the low hum of conversation and the orchestra tuning swirl around us.We check our coats once we’re inside, Hayden sliding the ticket into his suit pocket.
And in an instant, I’m eighteen years old again standing backstage in satin slippers with my hair pinned too tightly to my head while nerves and adrenaline twist together in my stomach before a curtain call.The memory hits hard enough that I stop walking for half a second.Hayden notices and pauses next to me.
His hand tightens at my waist.“You, okay?”
“I am.”I glance around at the velvet balconies and sweeping staircase trying to ground myself.“It’s just been a long time.”
His expression softens in understanding.“You miss it.”Not a question.
I exhale and nod once.“I guess I do.”
