Normally, one of the girls would’ve shifted closer to me by now.Normally I would’ve noticed.Tonight, I barely register either of them.Mikey notices that too.Of course he does.When in the hell did he get so observant?
His gaze flicks toward me once while one of the girls talks animatedly about seeing us at Lollapalooza last summer.I look away first.Which is apparently answer enough.
And somewhere underneath the noise of the bar, the music overhead, and the chaos of my bandmates giving me shit, one thought keeps circling back through my head with brutal consistency; Vanessa kissed me back.
Chapter Eleven
Hayden
The Waiting
Tom Petty
I wake up late enough that sunlight is already cutting through the gaps in the blackout curtains by the time I pry my eyes open.My head pounds.Not badly.Just enough to remind me that whiskey and beer in the same night stopped being a smart idea somewhere around thirty.
I stare at the ceiling for a second trying to piece together the end of the night.Paddy’s.
Dean arguing with the bartender about the existence of good tequila in Illinois.Mikey stealing fries off everyone’s plates like a raccoon with no self-respect.Luc leaving early because Lily texted him a picture of Larkin refusing to go to bed without him.
A faint grin pulls at my mouth before I can stop it.It was good.Better than good, actually.It was necessary.And this is what Luc excels at and why he’s always been the leader.He recognizes shit, calls it out, but then has a way of settling us all without making it seem overly intentional.
The realization settles heavier than I expect.Somewhere between the studio, the tension with Vanessa, and the constant pressure of the album, I’d started shutting myself off again.The guys noticed.Of course they did.They always do.And this is why they’ll always be my family.More than my blood.They are there for me, no matter what.
I drag a hand over my face and sit up slowly, the cool air from the vent brushing across my bare skin as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed.I press a button to raise the shades, light slowly filtering in to fill up the room.
Outside, Chicago looks different than it did a month ago.It’s getting colder.The lake beyond the window is steel gray beneath an overcast sky, and the trees lining the streets below have turned fully into autumn.They’re all deep reds, burnt oranges, and yellow leaves.Many have fallen and scatter across the sidewalk and grass as result of the harsh Chicago wind.
It’s typical for late October.Summer’s coming to a close and with it, the heat and humidity that often stifle the city into oppression.I’m ready for the change.Irony at its best given my current circumstances with Vanessa.
By the time I finish my coffee, the restlessness under my skin has returned.So, I run.
Seven miles down the lakefront trail with cold air burning my lungs, the sleeves of my hoodie shoved halfway up my forearms by mile three.
The city feels quieter this late in the morning, runners and cyclists spread thinner along the path, dogs pulling their owners through piles of leaves while the wind coming off the water cuts sharper than it did even last week.
Normally, running clears my head.Today it only manages to reorganize my thoughts.Vanessa at the club, at the museum, and then dinner.And the kiss.Her response to it.Realizing some feelings don’t die, they just lie quietly in wait.
My pace picks up automatically.Because the problem isn’t that I can’t stop thinking about her; it’s that I’m not trying too anymore.I welcome the thoughts intruding now.
Back at the apartment, I shower, throw together something quick to eat, and finally reach for my phone while toweling my hair dry.Three missed texts from Mikey.One from Luc.
And one from Dean that says,you’re dramatic when sexually frustrated.That’s it.It’s his way of letting me know we’re okay.
I snort once under my breath, but smile.Asshole.I toss the phone onto the counter and grab my keys instead, stopping halfway to the elevator when realization finally catches up with me.My car.It’s not here.I took an Uber home last night.It’s still parked at Luc’s house outside the studio.“Fuck.”
An hour later I’m in the backseat of an Uber heading toward Oak Park while the driver talks loudly on Bluetooth to someone named Maria about sausage prices.
As we pull up to Luc’s house, the quiet suburban driveway blurs for half a second as a sudden spike of adrenaline rushes through me.I don’t wait for the Uber to stop fully as I push the door open and fly out of the car.
Larkin is in the driveway.Tiny pink helmet crooked on her head, little legs pumping furiously against the pedals of a tricycle that’s angled just a little too close to the street.And she’s alone.
“Larkin!”The name leaves sharper than intended as I jog forward, gravel crunching hard beneath my shoes.Her head snaps up immediately, a wide, toothy grin aimed my way.
“Uncle Hayden!”She starts pedaling faster toward me, my pulse kicking harder as the gap between us closes.She’s safe now.I’ve got her.
Then movement shifts near the garage.Luc steps into view holding a basketball under one arm, brows pulling together instantly as he takes in the scene.And just like that, the panic crashes straight into awareness.
What was I thinking?Of course she isn’t out here alone.Luc and Lily are amazing parents.Attentive.Not the kind that pass out on the couch after drinking their weight in beer.
