His grin told her he was teasing, not rebuking her. She smiled and went on her way, her thoughts now centered on what Iain might want to discuss with her. She hadn’t noticed any air of seriousness or concern. It must be something simple, perhaps something for the healer or to prepare for the next feast day. Well, she’d find out soon enough.
She finished her errands and stopped by Iain’s solar, but he wasn’t back yet. Poor Calum. She was certain by now he was well aware the laird watched the training. She hoped all went well. She almost wished she’d gone her usual way and been at the training ground in time to see Iain’s arrival there. And Calum’s reaction. Iain could have summoned her from there.
Instead of entering the solar and taking a seat there to wait for him, she went back to the great hall. She’d see him when he came in, and he could let her know if he wanted some time to himself before meeting with her or not.
A few minutes later, Iain came in and gestured for her to join him as he walked to the solar.
Desperate for something to say, Ella asked the only thing she could think of. “How was the training?”
Iain glanced her way before speaking. Was he assessing whether her interest was truly in the training, or in Calum?
“Very good,” he finally said, “The wee lads are making excellent progress with Calum’s help, and I see that Calum himself is improving, too.”
“’Tis what Euan hoped to gain for his friend,” Ella replied, pleased that Iain seemed satisfied. Calum, too, she was certain, or he would have been reluctant to take on the responsibility that Euan so ably carried out before he was hurt.
Iain gestured her to a seat at the worktable that took up part of the solar, then took a seat opposite her, but didn’t say anything for several moments.
His hesitation made her heart begin to beat faster. Perhaps he had something more serious in mind after all.
“Have ye given any thought to what ye’d like yer own future to be, lass?”
Ella’s belly clenched. “What do ye mean, laird?”
“Ye work closely with the healer and should consider becoming her apprentice. I ken she’s asked ye to think on it. Before his injury, ye and Calum seemed to wish to be together. Is that still yer wish?”
Chills ran down Ella’s arms and her throat seemed frozen. She couldn’t get a word out, even if she knew how to answer Iain’s question. Was that still her wish? So much depended on Calum. On his wishes, too. “I…I dinna ken. Calum and I have no’…” She trailed off, unsure how to describe what they were to each other.
“’Twill be yer decision, Ella,” Iain said as if sensing the reason for her hesitation. “And if what seemed to be yer path in the past is no longer what ye want, I have another option ye might wish to consider.”
“Another option?”
Iain gave her a reassuring smile and leaned forward. “I spoke to Calum about the possibility of a betrothal offer for ye in the future.” What? Iain knew about her past. Surely he would not entertain a betrothal offer from someone she didn’t know. He had to think she would reject it. Why would he put her in a position to go through that again?
He held up a hand as she, too, leaned forward, ready to object. “Dinna fash. I dinna have one. But I might have left him with the impression that I expected one could come at any time. From within Brodie, or from elsewhere. Annie has been telling me ’tis time for the two of ye to stop, as she put it, dancing around each other. I dinna mean to force ye into anything, lass. I simply want ye to think about what it is ye want,” he said. “Because I hope Calum is doing the same.”
He’d talked to Calum? Ella’s breath froze in her chest. Her mind spun. What if an offer did come for her. Would it likely be from a Rose lad she’d met? Another Brodie? Someone at Sutherland? Someone she liked well enough to consider seriously? Or truly a stranger? It would be better if she knew the man, if only a little. Iain would know a stranger would be too easy for her to refuse. So, probably a Brodie. Could she do that to Calum? Marry another within the clan and force him to see her all the time? How would she feel if she remained here, and he married another? Nay, she couldn’t fathom how she would live with that. She looked up at Iain, embarrassed again. His smile told her he’d noticed her woolgathering and waited for her to return her attention to him.
“Iain, I…” She choked to a halt. “Ye ken Calum hasna been himself since…”
“Everyone does, lass.”
“I’ve done what I could for him.”
“I ken ye have. No one blames ye for what Calum has gone through, or for how he’s dealing with it. Or not dealing with it. Ye ken I wouldna bring this to ye if I had any qualms about ye and Calum together,” Iain said. “I havena forgotten yer history, or how he has pursued ye, with care and concern for ye. Like Calum, I wouldna see ye forced to do anything ye dinna wish to do—openly and gladly. For that reason, I think ye must also consider whether marrying away from Brodie would make ye happy, or if ye would prefer to stay here.”
“I must think on this,” she told him when she was certain she understood the offer he made. He wouldn’t force her into anything. Her fate was still hers to decide. “How much time…?”
“I said I willna force ye into anything ye dinna want. I meant it. Ye will take the time ye need.”
“Thank ye, laird,” she said and stood to go, wanting nothing more than to bolt from this chamber and forget the conversation they’d just had.
“Ella—” he said as she turned for the door.
She took a breath, forcing herself to calm down. “Aye, laird?”
“Let me also say that I would hate to see ye leave Brodie,” Iain told her.
She nodded without turning back to face him and kept going. As she reached the doorway, his words echoed in her ears. She had made a home here, first as Muireall’s companion, then helping the healer, all while nurturing a relationship with Calum that they both seemed to cherish. Until he was hurt.
Was this really home? As she hurried to her chamber where she could sit in silence and think, she looked around her at the people, the stones and timbers that made up the keep, the hearth that everyone gathered around, the touches that made a hall and a keep a home. But was it hers? Had it ever been? After helping to save the lost lads, she’d told Mhairi she finally felt likeshe belonged here, but Iain had just splintered the comfortable sense of security she’d achieved.
She might soon have little choice but to consider and possibly accept a betrothal offer—to stay or to go. She knew of no other options save the one Iain just gave her. She wanted no other options. Only Calum.
But, other than one kiss that had less to do with her than with celebrating his own success, or even with punishing her, Calum had given her no indication he still wanted to be with her. He’d been civil, but not yet as friendly as he used to be. Still, she had to believe they’d made some progress toward each other during the lads’ rescue. Perhaps when Calum took some time to reflect on what Iain said to him, he’d be forced to realize that if he didn’t soon make up his mind, he could lose her forever.
