She wanted to give herself—give Ella—credit for helping Mhairi, but she didn’t dare mention that name. Janet had already been overly familiar for her station. Instead, she squeezed his forearm in sympathy. “We need to go in soon.” She hesitated, then deliberately brightened her tone. “The Marymas feast is taking place this eve. Everyone is expected to attend. Ye, too.” How she wanted him to be able to enjoy the celebration, to spend time with his friends, to laugh. It would be so good for him. She tensed, waiting for his response.
“Marymas? Already? How long have I been confined to that chamber?”
Ella sighed and walked on. He kept pace with her easily, despite the uneven ground. “Only a fortnight and a few days, Calum.”
“So I’m to attend a feast I canna see and make a fool of myself trying to eat it?”
“I will be there to help ye.”
He stopped again, head tilted back, face to the sky. If he’d been facing the sun, she would have thought he sought its heat, or its strength. But they faced shadows.
Whether in frustration or despair, behind the bandages, his eyes were probably squeezed shut. She could only imagine what kind of battle must be raging inside this proud man. She dared not leave him standing here to brood. She could see his mood darkening with every moment that passed, his whole body stiff and his hands again curled into fists at his side. She had to do something to break the spell.
“Calum!” As Janet, she felt free to say his name more sharply than Ella ever would. “I’ve much to do before this eve. Will ye take me inside, please?” If his sense of humor failed, his sense of duty rarely did.
He took a breath, and it seemed his whole body deflated and shrank. His fists uncurled last, and he turned toward her. Slowly. “Aye.”
She had made certain her hands retained enough calluses for him to feel them, so she took one of his strong hands in both of hers and turned him back the way they’d come. She had no doubt he would notice the roughness of her touch, and released him as quickly as she could. Relieved that he was moving, Ella guided him with a light touch on his arm toward the keep’s main door.
Then her foot slipped on a patch of mud. She cried out and flailed, trying to catch herself, but before she fell to the ground, Calum scooped her up. He held her against his chest, his arms solid supports across her back and behind her knees. Sudden heat coursed through her, whether from Calum’s body or her own embarrassment, she couldn’t say.
“Are ye hurt…Janet?”
Heart pounding, she shook her head before remembering to speak. “Thanks to ye, Calum, nay. Ye saved me from falling. How did ye ken where I was?”
“I always ken where ye are.” He started walking forward, still carrying her.
Ella shivered at the deep undertone of his voice rumbling through his chest and into her ribs, intensifying as the vibrations slipped deeper into her body. His words seemed to carry a promise she hoped for, but dared not name. If he paid such close attention to her, it must mean something.
But nay! Thanks to her altered voice and scent, he thought she was Janet, not Ella. How true were his feelings for her if he spoke so of Janet? Of a woman who smelled of onions! He always knew where she was? Why would he give a servant that sort of attention? Why would he admit it?
She thought he desired her and her alone, yet it seemed he was no better than any of the past men in her life. Faithless. She’d learned that the hard way with Dermott. Even Thomas, who’d only brought her home and divorced her to save her life. Determined to have their way with any woman in reach. “Ye can put me down,” she told him, guilt and anger stealing her enjoyment of his nearness. No one else would know the apprehension that filled her, but anyone could see them. She must look ridiculous, being rescued by a blind man, no matter how good it felt to be held secure in his arms. Even now, the quiet bailey was too public a place for such a display.
“Are ye certain ye can remain standing?”
His tone was teasing, once again reminding her of Calum’s good-natured humor before his injury, but his touch betrayed his concern, his hand on her back stroking up and down. He meant to soothe her, she knew, but instead, his touch set her blood to singing. Yet, he was flirting with Janet, not her. She fought down the feelings his touch elicited and took a breath.“Long enough to get inside, aye.” Where she would find more onions. Maybe some garlic. Or rotten meat. Anything to break the spell Janet seemed to have over him.
He stood her on her feet and took her arm without further comment, but with a frown that made her fear that he’d been affected by holding her, too. Needing a distraction, she hurried them up the steps to the keep’s heavy door and let him pull it open. Once he closed it behind them, his shoulders slumped and she realized he dreaded being confined indoors yet again.
She led him to the entrance to the great hall and paused. There was no one nearby. No one to call her by her true name. She could remain Janet, at least for now. She didn’t know what she would do if someone forgot their ruse and called her Ella. Admit to it, she supposed, and deal with Calum’s reaction as she must.
“Take a breath,” she told him. So soon after being in his arms, it might be a risk to emphasize his sense of smell, but the festival preparations should cover her scent. She needed to distract him. “Tell me what ye sense.” His broad chest rose and fell, and watching him made her hungry to be held against it again. Even if only as Janet.
“People and hounds,” he said, his fierce expression smoothing into enjoyment. “And for the Marymas, bannocks. Lots of them.”
“And more?”
“The hearth fire burning, and…” He lifted his head, nostrils flaring while he took another breath.
He looked proud, strong and confident, despite the healer’s bandages covering his eyes and wrapping around his dark head.
“Roasting meats, aye, and tarts from the kitchen,” he announced.
“I canna smell the pies, but all the rest, aye.”
“Ye said my senses are undimmed. And I told ye, I notice everything.” He turned his face to her. “I ken that Ella has been in my chamber, no’ ye.”
Ella froze. Nay! How did he know that? She’d been careful to keep the healer’s onions and herbs on her any time she tended him.
