Stellan fought not to react. His very presence was a secret he couldn’t share with most, though she now knew. Instead of replying, he gave her an Anders grin and bent to study the ledger page puzzling her.
Two hours later, they’d made sense of most of the notations in it. “Dear God, Da has been sending raiders into MacLeod,” Mariota exclaimed near the end. “And does this indicate one into Sutherland?” She pointed to several marks. “The count of cattle and sheep increased suddenly after each of these.”
“I found nay evidence of recent raids on our crofts. Why MacLeod?”
“I dinna ken, but that must stop or we’ll have more trouble on our border. Whether the incursion into Sutherland was real or only rumored, I appreciate yer da’s forbearance. I wonder if Da does.”
Stellan approved of her intentions. That revelation was only one among several that no other clan should be privy to, but Mariota had needed help and Stellan reminded himself that he could keep secrets, especially those that didn’t affect Sutherland. Still, her father would be furious if he ever found out she’d shown him this ledger. “Ye willna tell yer da I saw this. He willna like it.”
“Nay, I canna. He’d be furious. We’ve altered naught, and now I understand his thinking, I can take care of most clan business until he’s better. I ken enough now to ask him to explain the rest— like those raids.”
“Good, lass.” He folded his spectacles.
“I couldna have done it without ye. Thank ye, Stellan. I… I’m sorry I got so angry earlier. I?—”
He pressed his lips together and nodded, regret tearing at the edges of his satisfaction for helping her. “Ye had reason, lass. I regret what Anders and I did. What I did. The lies. For the trouble it will cause. But never for the chance to be with ye.” That mattered to him. He was more and more certain that he wanted it to matter to her just as much.
To distract himself he asked, “Do ye want to go check on yer da?”
“The healer wouldha sent someone if anything changed.” She closed the ledger and pushed it away, lifted her arms and stretched.
The movement lifted her breasts and tightened the fabric across them, making Stellan’s mouth water. He was glad she’d leaned her head back and closed her eyes, or she would have seen him staring at her. And seen the hunger in his gaze. When she dropped her arms and opened her eyes, he looked away. He’d told her an encounter like they’d had in the storeroom could not happen again. But his gaze would have made a lie of that, and the way she tempted him, if she touched him again in response, might have made stopping himself impossible.
He stood and stepped away. “I’ll see ye at supper?”
A frown flitted across her features, faster than a falcon could dive on its prey, then she nodded. “Aye, supper.”
He left her before anything else could happen between them.
CHAPTER 15
Watching Stellan’s abrupt departure, Mariota’s heart sank. She’d hoped for some time alone with him to— well— she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. Pick up where they’d left off in the supply closet? A frisson of remembered yearning tingled along her nerves from her belly to her fingertips and back. She wanted his arms around her, his hands stroking her, his lips teasing her, but none of that might ever happen again. The thought made her regret turn to frustration with herself for letting Stellan walk out. She stood and flattened her hands on the tabletop. She should have stopped him when he stood, grabbed his hand and pulled him down to kiss her. If their time together was limited, shouldn’t they enjoy it before they lost each other?
He’d done his best to build a wall between them, to keep their feelings for each other from running wild, a conflagration neither of them could control.
But she didn’t know why.
Yes, she did. Her father would be apoplectic if he knew what they’d done already, much less where her thoughts were straying now. She didn’t want to find out what he would do if he knew what was simmering between her and the Sutherland heir.
She sank into a chair, her knees suddenly weak with both worry and relief.
Stellan.Not Anders. The pull between them had been with Stellan all along.
That should make her feel better, but it complicated things, too. Before she’d met Stellan, she’d wondered if she would ever be accepted as the MacKay laird. With Stellan in the keep, she was becoming more and more convinced that this was not the life she wanted. Her father’s refusal to explain Alber’s presence and his neglect of her training had taken a toll. But no matter how miserable it made her, until he was better, she would do what she must for the sake of the clan. Still, she couldn’t keep her traitorous heart from imagining life with Stellan at Sutherland rather than here, with Anders.
She probably shouldn’t depend on Stellan’s help with any more of her da’s ledgers. Her da would be furious that she’d shared as much of them with Stellan as she had. Not that he’d seen anything she thought he could use to harm MacKay in the future. Still, her da would call it one more reason she was ill-suited to be laird. Was there a MacKay she could lean on? One of her da’s advisors? Would Seamus know enough to be able to help her?
And what would Alber be doing while the laird spent time healing?
“Mariota.” Seamus called her name from the solar’s doorway. “Though they ken me, these fine lads willna allow me to enter without yer leave.”
“Aye, come in,” she said, grateful that his arrival distracted her from her thoughts.
“I have some news ye will want to hear,” he told her, pulling a chair out from the opposite side of the table and seating himself with a sigh. “I have more to add from some of the old warriorsabout Alber’s early days at MacKay. They are all in agreement that yer da brought him when he was about eleven years old.”
“Why dinna I remember more about him?”
“Because ye were younger, I guess. He was homesick as a lad. He didna fit in. Didna try to fit in. Kept to himself and sulked because he didna get the attention from yer da that ye did. Played at being the heir. He thought himself better than the rest of us for having been chosen to come here by the laird, and only obeyed yer da.”
