Calum remained silent for a few moments as they walked farther. “My life depends on what I notice around me,” he told her. “The iron has a tang that I taste as well as smell…and I felt the heat from the banked forge as we neared it.”
“I did no’,” she told him. What else did he notice that she failed to discern?
“I’ve lived in this keep most of my life,” he added. “I can find my way around this bailey blindfold…” He stopped suddenly, stiffened and sucked in a breath.
Ella laid her free hand on her heart, pity for him welling up at his words. He would hear it in her voice, so she took a breath and tried encouragement. “Aye, ye can, Calum, very well. Yer senses are undimmed by yer time indoors.”
“I am…I was a Brodie scout,” he said, turning his face aside as though staring off into space while recalling the battle that had made him an invalid these past weeks. “One of the best. What am I, if I can no’ longer be what I was?”
Ella wanted to hold him, to reassure him, but knew she had no answer to give him. If he wasn’t acting out in frustration over his enforced blindness, he fretted over his future, his place in the clan. She reached for something to lighten his mood. “Ye need no’ think to become a bard—ye dinna have the voice for it,” she told him in a teasing tone. As soon as she said the words, she regretted them. Would Calum realize Janet had never seen him drunk and singing drinking songs with other men, but Ella had?
His brow furrowed, telling her she had his attention. Calum’s lips tightened, then twisted, one side quirking up in a hard fought attempt at a smile.
Relieved he didn’t seem to have made the connection, Ella couldn’t help smiling back. If his sense of humor was returning, he truly was getting better.
Then his hands curled into fists. “If ye dinna take this wrapping from around my head, I’ll do it myself. I canna bear this darkness any longer.”
She grabbed his wrists and held them down by his sides, using her weight against his strength. “Ye will no’!” She knew he could break her grip with little effort, but she had to prevent him. “The healer said yer eyes must remain covered—both of them—if ye wish to regain yer sight.”
“What sight?” he snarled. “She is blinding me as surely as that shattered sword did.”
“A steel splinter went deep into yer left eye. She told ye, what one eye does, they both do, so to let yer wound heal, ye canna try to use the other.” Ella released his wrists and placed a hand on his arm, still heavily muscled despite his forced inactivity. “Ye were out of yer head with fever for days?—“
“What? The healer said ’twas mild.”
“She sought to reassure ye. And the fever is done. So ye think all else is healed as well. But ’tis too soon. Do ye truly wish to lose yer eye?”
Calum was silent for a long moment before his shoulders dropped. “Nay,” he bit out, defeated. “A blind scout is worthless, and a half blind man fares little better. If I am to be useful as a warrior…”
“Ye have been so patient,” she said, cutting him off, and wishing she could do as he asked and reveal his gaze. She missed the way he looked at her. She heard the fear in his voice he struggled to hide. How he must long for the sight of blue skies…and everything else. “Ye can tolerate waiting a wee more.”
He pressed his full lips together, then spoke. “If at the end, the reward is being able to see y…”
The abrupt end to his sentence made Ella study his face—as much as she could see for the bandages, her heart in her throat. Did he know her? After a moment, she rejected the thought. If he did, why would he continue to play along with her ruse? Still, once the healer removed the coverings from his eyes, how would seeing her again as Ella affect him? How angry would he be to know she was Janet? The tension in his jaw told her she’d only added to his misery today. “I am sorry. I did no’ mean to make ye feel worse.”
“I ken it, lass,” he finally said. “’Tis no’ yer fault the Lowlanders fight with poorly forged blades.”
She encouraged him to move with a light tug on his arm. “Ye were unlucky to be so near to one that shattered,” she said as they walked along. “But,” she added as his fists clenched yet again, “ye were lucky to have made it home from the battle so quickly, and to be under the care of the Brodie healer. She saved yer life. She may well have saved yer sight. I hope so.”
“No’ half so much as I.”
She squeezed his hand in sympathy. “We need to go in soon.” She hesitated, then deliberately brightened her tone. “The Marymas feast is taking place this eve. Everyone is expected to attend. Ye, too.” How she wanted him to be able to enjoy the celebration, to spend time with his friends, to laugh. She tensed, waiting for his response.
“Marymas? Already? How long have I been confined to that chamber?”
Ella sighed and walked on. He kept pace with her easily, despite the uneven ground. “Only a fortnight and a few days, Calum.”
“So I’m to attend a feast I canna see and make a fool of myself trying to eat it?”
“I will be there to help ye.”
He stopped again, head tilted back, face to the sky.
Whether in frustration or despair, behind the bandages, his eyes were probably squeezed shut. She could only imagine what kind of battle must be raging inside this proud man. She tried, but no amount of tugging would move him from this spot.
“Calum!” As Janet, she felt free to say his name more sharply than Ella ever would. “I’ve much to do before this eve. Will ye take me inside, please?” If his sense of humor failed, his sense of duty rarely did.
He took a breath and turned toward her. “Aye.”
