“Dinna let Cook hear ye say that. Or the stable master. Those cats and kittens keep rodents out of Cook’s stores and the horses’ feed.”
“Aye, I suppose ye are right. But cats do what they will and keep having kittens, no matter what. I dinna think I can plan on them for more than that.”
“Wise words, brother mine. Wise indeed. And if ye think on it, people are very much like those cats. Some things ye willna be able to control, but ye can encourage, or discourage, as the need arises.” She had no doubt Braden would be a better, more fair laird than their father had been up to now. “Or think of it another way. Yer mount responds best to a light hand on the reins, aye?”
“Aye, save for in battle, when I must be in control at risk of my life, and my mount’s.”
“Exactly. But ye are no’ in battle every day. And I’d wager there are times in battle when yer mount sees a threat ye dinna, and takes control to save ye both.”
“Aye.”
“Or ye have to ride another, even take the mount of an enemy.”
“I havena, but I’ve seen it happen. I think I see what ye mean, Aftyn. Da has never given ye the respect ye deserve, nor the chance to improve yerself. No’ even the chance he plans to give these new mounts. The training.”
“Aye. And experience. Jamie Lathan has helped, but ’twould be best for me to be able to go elsewhere. For the clan, as well. I could foster with another healer, or bring one here for a time.”
“He willna.”
“I ken it. But If ye talk to him…”
“I can try, but ye ken his stubbornness.”
“Aye, more than most.”
Braden gave her a sympathetic nod.
Aftyn glanced away, suddenly sorry she’d started the conversation, and noticed Niall making his way down the stairs. “He’s much better,” she said, though he still leaned on a cane and took each step favoring his injured leg. She stood and beckoned him to their table.
Braden watched Niall’s halting progress with a frown. “Did ye ken he’s one of their best horsemen? Rabbie told me. I hope he is soon well.”
“Good day,” Niall greeted them.
Braden gestured to the seat next to him. “Are ye hungry?”
“Aye. That’s what drove me down the stairs.”
Aftyn took that as a very good sign. If his appetite had returned enough for him to come to the hall instead of waiting for a tray to be brought to him, he must be getting stronger. She hailed a passing serving lass and requested a trencher and ale for their guest. Then she turned back to watch Niall and Braden talk horses, reminded that Niall’s recovery meant the Lathans’ departure was approaching.
Her belly hollowed at the thought. When Jamie left, would she ever see him again? Or would he forget her the moment he rode through the gate, headed home? After the way he’d kissed her in the wood, she hoped he cared for her as much as she had come to care for him. Her body still burned any time she thought about his kisses, on her lips, her face, her throat.
She tried to convince herself she wouldn’t miss him, but she was wrong. She’d miss catching him looking at her with heat in his gaze meant only for her. Though they’d barely touched, and had done nothing that she would need to worry over, the thought of her hand in his, or his firm, full lips on hers, and his muscled arms wrapping her in a heated embrace made her realize he’d come to mean more to her than she’d ever imagined he could.
She needed to stop pining for a man she’d never have, a man who had said nothing to her about a future together. He’d only offered to take her with him to find a place where she could be safe. Should she go with him? To the Aerie? Perhaps. But if he meant to leave her at another clan, in the midst of strangers, away from everything and everyone she knew, then nay. As much as she wanted to fulfill her mother’s wishes and become a healer her clan could depend upon, that is not how she wished to make it happen. She lost herself in the fantasy of leaving with Jamie to return to his home, to be near him. Knowing it would never happen made her sad.
If this is how it would be once he went home, she would be brokenhearted to see him go. Despite what he’d thought about her when he arrived, she appreciated that he hadn’t ignored her. Instead, he’d helped her, given her confidence, even his affection.
What was she going to do without him?
She forced herself to pay attention to the activity going on around her. Braden and Niall were still deep in conversation. The rest of the people who had been in the hall before her longings took her mind away were still there, too. She hadn’t been dreaming for long. She hoped no one had seen her thoughts reflected on her face.
After he finished eating, Braden offered to take Niall to see the new stock, but Niall begged off, saying his leg pained him and he’d best go rest it. Aftyn could see the disappointment on Braden’s face, but Braden nodded and promised they’d do it another day.
Later, Aftyn happened to walk by the door to Niall’s chamber as Fearchar opened it, then turned back to say something else to Niall, who was pacing without a cane across the chamber. Over Fearchar’s shoulder, she glimpsed him turn and walk back again. As she ducked away, it took her a moment to realize he wasn’t limping. So his leg pained him, did it? What magic had Jamie Lathan done for his clansman? She’d give quite a lot to see under that wrapping on Niall’s lower leg, and to find out why they were lying about it.
* * *
Later that afternoon,Aftyn rode back to the abbey. Neve had sent for her, though her message said the need was not urgent, but Aftyn worried if she left her there much longer, the lass would convince Hamish to leave the kirk for her. She didn’t want Neve to have such a stain on her soul.
