And then I did.
Haze folded her arms as she stared at me.
I gulped. “Sally? Don’t be ridiculous. She’s a licensed therapist!”
“How did you find her?”
“I…Her business card came through our office door. I think it was a kind of advertising mailout.”
“You chose a therapist from junk mail?” It didn’t sound great when she put it like that.
“I was having a dark moment. And then, bam-clatter, the letterbox went. I got up and went to pick it up, and there it was. I thought it was a sign.”
“A sign from fucking who? The God you don’t even believe in? Or the devil watching us?!” Haze stood up from the table.
“I wasn’t thinking straight! I mean, you’re right, I didn’t look into her like maybe I should have. I just rang the number and booked an appointment, and that was it.” I ran a hand through my hair. Was Haze right? Had I been opening up to our biggest enemy? “Her office was a five-minute walk from mine. I went and met her once, and she seemed nice, and it kind of clicked. So I kept going back.”
“What does she know about us?”
“Nothing!” I mentally scanned back over my sessions with her. “Okay, well, everything except the whole killing thing.” I tried to think how bad a breach it would be if Sally was part of this big bad plot against us. I’d opened up to her about all my insecurities.She’d tried to make me question Haze. She’d made me feel that I was underappreciated. Had she weaponized my feelings?
“Did you tell her about Jenny?”
“Of course I told her about Jenny. I mean, just that she’s your best friend. I only spoke about how that made me feel. Never about her being police. Never about working together.”
“Are you—” Haze stopped. “And how does Jenny being my best friend make you feel?”
Be open. Be honest.Sally’s voice was in my head.
But was that good-therapist advice, or was that potential-evil-therapist advice?
I went for it. “It makes me feel left out sometimes.”
Haze scoffed. “Fox, come on. Really? You feel threatened by her? After everything we’ve been through?”
I put my head in my hands. “It was always you, me, and the bad men. That was our thing. What bonded us even further together. I guess…Having her share in that too, it feels like she’s entered sacred territory.”
“We needed her! Remember? And she’s been so helpful. We have—”
“I know all that! Practically, I know all that. I love Jenny. She’s been amazing—for everything she’s done for us as a family, for how she supports you. I know all that. But I can still sometimes find it tough.” I took a breath.My feelings are valid. My feelings are valid.I wasn’t totally sure whether I’d said that out loud. “And really, if we’re talking about someone involved in our lives who could give away everything on us, have you considered the fact that she’s a top candidate?”
Haze laughed. “Jenny? You really think Jenny is betraying us?”
I didn’t know what I was saying, but it could make sense. “She lied about being in London today. I saw her. I know it was her. Why would she do that?”
“She told you she was with her parents, so she must’ve been. You’re the one who’s been all over the place, so sorry if I don’t believe you.”
My wife wasn’t taking my word for it. Had I really lost her trust when it came to my mental state? She was choosing to believe Jenny over me.
“Think about it! Who better to be reporting on us? She knows everything! Not the watered-down, censored version of events I give Sally.” I tried to talk myself into it. “She’s had a taste of criminal life, and now she wants more!”
Haze was still looking at me blankly.
“Don’t you see? She only gets a small percentage of what we make,” I continued.
Whenever we killed a man who had useful stocks and shared information, like Clark Dixon, Jenny got a percentage of the profit. We were a team, and it was her payment for everything she did to help us take out the target.
“Maybe she’s got greedy! She’ll soon have two kids to support, and that’s not cheap!”
