I didn’t know how to play it. Should we grovel? Or would that play it up and make her care even more? Should we try beingdismissive?It’s not a big deal, darling. Why do you even care? No one cares!I shook that off. Gaslighting a four-year-old seemed too twisted. We all had lines we couldn’t cross.
We spotted her by the stage, standing next to her teacher.
I got to her first and crouched down next to her. “Darling, we’re so sorry we missed it. There was awful traffic and we got stuck.”
Fox put the car seat down next to us. “We drove as fast as we could.”
Bibi observed us both. “I was looking for you.”
“I know, and I hate that we weren’t there for you.” I squidged her cheek.
“We’ve already checked, and they recorded it, so we can get the video,” said Fox
“And we can watch it all together,” I added.
“And you can reenact your performance for us.”
Bibi nodded. She looked between the two of us. “Ice cream?”
I said, “Of course!,” just as Fox said, “Absolutely!”
We exchanged a look over the top of her ballet-bunned head. She was okay. It was all okay. Yes, we’d potentially overkilled it and now opened ourselves up to being manipulated into endless treats. But that was fine.
As we walked to the car, Bibi announced: “Ted pulled my hair today.”
Fox gritted his teeth. “Ted who? Where does he live? I will go—”
I glanced at Fox. He stopped talking.
“Did you tell your teacher?” I asked.
Bibi nodded. “She said it was an accident. But it wasn’t.”
Fox looked at me. “Should we go in? Talk to the teacher? Ask for CCTV footage to be checked? Threaten to sue?”
I touched Fox’s arm. “She needs to learn to handle this herself.”
“She’s four.”
“You’re never too young.” It was a big, bad world out there, and it owed you no favors. Despite my commitment to givingthem loving, easy lives, I couldn’t let my kids be brought up too soft. They needed to learn to help themselves too. “Bibi, if he hurts you again, you hurt him right back. Harder.”
Bibi frowned. “Isn’t it bad to hurt?”
“Yes,” said Fox, just as I said, “No.”
I leaned down to Bibi. “You can hurt people if they hurt you, or if they’re about to hurt someone and you want to stop them. There are certain situations where it’s acceptable.” It was good to let her know the conventions we lived by. The whole world was our playground, and we knew when to step in and punish the ones not playing by the rules.
Bibi nodded. “Okay.”
We watched her as she skipped ahead to the car. Parenting was always second-guessing yourself and what you were teaching them. We wanted our children to know the difference between right and wrong. We wanted to raise them to be good people. And although we might believe strongly in the work we did, it was not the life we wanted for them. Do as we say, not as we do.
My phone beeped. I took it out. An unknown number.
Hello Haze. You get my postcard? Stop trying to find me. I will let you know when it’s time for us to finally meet.
I read it twice and held it out for Fox.
“What does he mean?” Fox ran a hand through his hair.
