She’d be coming home with me in a couple of weeks. I was going to call her Frankie. I didn’t care what anyone else thought, I knew she was a gift from my dad up above. He always knew better than anyone what I needed.
I smiled over at Mum; she was gripping a tissue to her nose. Bibi and Felix sat together, kicking their feet.
I cleared my throat and began.
“Frank Dennis Needham was a good man. The best man. I was lucky to have him as a father. No matter what age I’d lost him at, it always would’ve been too soon. There’s never enough time with those you love the most.”
I let myself slip into autopilot. I didn’t want to let myself truly feel the words. I just wanted to say them without breaking down. I needed to honor him, to say everything that needed to be said. I could do this last thing for him.
As I talked, I looked across at Haze and Fox. They were holding hands and nodding me on. My friends. My family. My future. I might be their back-office pigeon, the support act to their starring roles. But I was happy with who I was. Not everyone needed to be out shining on center stage. They were different to me, not better. We were all trying to do the best we could with the lives we’d been given. I was going to celebrate everything I was, not focus on what I wasn’t. I was choosing happiness.
Chapter Seventy-One
Haze
Jenny spoke so beautifully aboutFrank that I was glad I was wearing sunglasses. She was hurting so much, and I hated that there was nothing we could do to make it better.
I’d seen a lot of death.
I’d caused a lot of death.
Knives. Blood. Cut throats. Crushed skulls. Split guts.
But nothing beat the utter savagery of the natural death of someone much loved.
We either had to watch the people we loved die, or they had to watch us die. There was no avoiding that pain. It was inevitable. How the hell did everyone walk around with that knowledge without wanting to scream?
What had we been hardwired with that allowed us to live without constantly dwelling on the pain and futility of our existence? Was there some specially designed microchip within each of us that helped us to get up each day, despite knowing that one day the misery of losing those we loved most was going to happen—and that the only thing we could do to avoid it was die first?
It was all a cruel joke. You search for—youlongfor—love, connection, people who make your life better. Yet the more you love, the more pain there is to come.
How was Jenny going to get through losing him? How did anyone?
I’d never had a father. That was my story, and I was sticking to it. Better to be in the fatherless group than admit to having one who had swooped back into my life only to try and kill my husband and kidnap my daughter. Wow, did I luck out there.
Frank was a real father. He had worshipped Jenny, and wrapped her up so tightly in his love that she never questioned it. He’d been there for her when she needed him, and even when she didn’t. He’d wanted to make her life better, easier, and nothing was ever too much trouble.
I squeezed Fox’s hand. I had chosen a man who would be exactly that kind of father to our children.
I might have inherited certain physical features from my parents, they might have given me their genes, but that was all they had passed down. I had never felt supported, understood, or loved by them. They made me, and then they left me. I was long past resentment.
Some people weren’t meant to be parents. The sacrifices were too great.
Cowards run. Heroes stay.
It was easier to disconnect and break away.
I brushed a bit of soil off Fox’s elbow.
I knew how lucky we were to be alive.
The bomb had annihilated the storage locker and the six surrounding it. As soon as we’d seen the timer and the flashing lights, we’d turned and run. Luckily, the locker next to the blast had been owned by someone storing five superking-sized mattresses, which had taken the brunt of the blast. We’d been able to escape with bad cuts and bruises.
Drake had been right. The Corporation clearly weren’t done with us yet. We just needed to get through today, and then we had a plan for how to deal with them.
Jenny finished speaking. I wanted to give her a standing ovation, but Fox quietly pointed out that funerals didn’t really have that as an option.
The music started up and the coffin was gently carried out,with Jenny, Sandy, and our children following behind it. Bibi and Felix walked together, pushing Reggie’s pram. Jenny stopped at our pew and took me and Fox by the hands. We all walked out together, Frank leading the way.
