Rose, I am thinking of you and your family. I have taken over your social media and canceled all of your scheduled posts regarding the paperback release. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do. —XO Marta.
I liked the message.
“Paperback release?” Tommy asked, reading the text over my shoulder.
“Yeah, it came out yesterday,” I said, frustrated by the timing. It was going to look so opportunistic and gauche. But a small part of me couldn’t help but wonder if it would sell better because of all of this. I couldn’t exactly be angry at that. Not if after we found Hazel it led to more money for Will’s appeals.
Tommy chewed his lip like there was something else he wanted to say. He steadied himself against the kitchen counter.
“I can’t believe you’re still doing stuff for the book,” he said, sounding disappointed. I didn’t like the look he was giving me.
“I have to pay the bills somehow,” I replied darkly.
Tommy cleared his throat. “You meanWill’sbills.”
“Will’sandmine,” I clarified.
“Do you ever think it was a mistake?” he asked. “Writing the book?”
I felt goosebumps on my neck. I’d been asked the question before. It was one of the first things people liked to ask whenever they met me. But my answer was always the same: Of course I didn’t regret it. That book was theonly thing that gave me the resources to keep fighting for Will. Although now that I knew Hazel had been looking into everything, it felt heavier.
“Why would I regret it?” I asked him, measuring my tone.
Tommy rarely commented on anything to do with the book. I knew he had read it when it came out, but although he’d never banished it like the rest of my family, it clearly made him uncomfortable to talk about.
He shrugged. “It just seems like it’s become your whole life. Your whole identity. It’s the only thing people associate you with. And … I don’t know. I’d always hoped that maybe we could, one day, be known as people other than the siblings of that guy who killed that girl.”
I felt like I had been kicked hard in the shins. Tommy had always been one of the few people in my corner. One of the few people I could lean on.
“I didn’t realize you thought so little of me, Tommy. Or of Will.”
Tommy shook his head. “Hey. That’s not what I meant.”
“Well, what did you mean then?” I asked. I could feel the tension building inside of me. “I know you’re exhausted and had a shit day, but that doesn’t give you a get-out-of-jail-free card to be a dick to me.”
Tommy’s eyebrows lifted with the same loose movement that Dad’s always did when he felt bad for one of us. “Look, I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath, and he did look slightly remorseful. “I love you, Rose. I love Will too, but sometimes it feels like a lost cause. That’s all. I just want you to be happy.”
Happy. That was such a relative term. Happiness wasn’t a concept I believed in anymore, not after everything that happened that summer. My entire life had fallen apart, each pillar that seemed to hold up my happiness rapidly crumbling, week after week. After that, life became about simply surviving.
The book had given me a purpose. I’d never been able to get past what happened to us like Tommy had. He’d gotten married. Had kids. Bought ahouse only ten minutes away. He’d found a way to be normal. I didn’t fault him for that, but I didn’t think that was possible for me.
“I’ll be happy when we find Hazel and Will’s out of prison,” I snapped. He just sighed, turning away, and I stomped back to my room like a teenager.
My book was sitting on my bed right where I’d left it, the pages open a third of the way through. I didn’t care what Tommy’s or anyone else’s opinion was. I had been justified in writing it. I knew that. It had provided the only seed of doubt anyone had ever had about Will’s innocence.
I picked it back up, opening to the next chapter.
10
Then: May 2010
It was Friday night and my parents sat in the kitchen bickering about what movie we should watch while Hazel skipped around the living room. We’d struggled lately with trying to find something that was family friendly enough for Hazel to participate but still interesting enough that the rest of us didn’t want to claw our eyes out.
The weeks before the high school’s graduation had left me bored and restless. Exams at the end of middle school were practically open-book tests. There had been nothing to review. Will was inundated with social plans, leaving no time to hang with me, and Tommy had been spending hours upon hours working on a machine for his robotics class. He’d always loved to build things, so much so that Mom and Dad had let him convert part of the garage into a workspace. Hazel often sat in there with him, playing with her plastic horses. Tonight, he’d finally agreed to take a break to spend some time with the rest of us. Will and Alex were joining a big group of their friends for a line-dancing party at a restaurant near the beach, so they’d be out late.
Tommy came in from the garage, wiping his hands on a hand towel and plopping down next to me on the couch.
“Man, it’s really raining out there, huh?” he asked, kicking his feet onto the ottoman. “Are we still watching a movie?”
