“What about you?” she says gently. “How are you feeling about this?”
“I…” I hesitate, and even though I don’t mean to, I glance down at Louis. His dark eyes meet mine, and he clears his throat.
“I need to fetch a few things for your other dress,” he says, and he stands, brushing his hands together. “I won’t be a moment.”
“Take your time,” says my mother, and we both watch him go. As the door closes, her gaze returns to me, and I take a deep breath, horrified to feel my eyes prickle.
“I’m…I don’t know how to feel,” I admit softly. “Not that I don’t want you to be happy. I do, more than anything. You and Alexander deserve to be together, and I never want to hold you back from that. But…after everything that’s happened, with Ben and—and the ABR, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop worrying about you both.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” She sets her paintbrush down and pulls off her apron before closing the distance between us with a hug. “That’s called love, darling. And anxiety, but a good therapist can help with that.”
I hiccup. “Sometimes I wish it were just the two of us again,”I mumble, hugging her fiercely, even though I know Louis will be aghast at any creases in the delicate fabric of my dress. “I wish we could go back in time and stop everything bad from happening, and it could just be the two of us. And Grandma, but I wouldn’t want to live with her. I’d want to live with you. And be a family withyou.I want those years back. I want it all back.”
“Oh, Evie.” She rocks me side to side, even though I’m almost a full foot taller than her on this platform. “It was never just the two of us. Alex was always there, even when you didn’t know it, and my mom…she was always there, too, loving us both with everything she had. You and I were never an island, and I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like we were. I did so many things wrong—”
“No, you didn’t,” I say firmly, burying my face in her shoulder.
“Yes, I did,” she counters gently. “But every parent does. We just don’t always know it until much, much later. And the choices Alexander and I made…believe me when I say we would give anything to take those back and to give you the childhood you deserved.”
I shake my head, realizing a beat too late that I’m getting snot on her shirt. “I didn’t want any of that. I just wanted you.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, hugging me even tighter now. “I had a hard time coming back to myself for a while, no matter how badly I wanted to be there for you. But I’m here now, and I love you so very, very much, Evie. That will never change.”
I think of her as an in-patient for years, with Alexander in the visitors’ lounge waiting for her to let him back in. I think ofall the horrors she must have held over herself, all the guilt she must’ve wallowed in, and all the fear she must’ve felt—must still feel even to this day—and I press my cheek to hers and finally let her go.
“Just promise me that you and Alexander won’t be one ofthosecouples,” I say, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. “You know, the ones who forget everyone else once they’re married and only ever want to spend time with each other.”
I can tell from the look in her eyes that it takes her a beat to realize I’m joking, and when she does, her mouth widens into a smile, and she holds out her pinky to me. “Promise. Just as long as you promise me that you and Kit won’t be one ofthosecouples, either.”
I hook her pinky with mine. “Promise. But that won’t be for at least another decade. Some of us like to take our time, you know.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Sure, kiddo. Doesheknow that?”
“Yes,” I say. “I think so. Probably.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” she teases, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. “Either way, you’ve certainly found yourself a good—”
There’s a soft knock on the door, and my mom and I both look up in time to see Maisie poke her head inside. “Oh,” she says, her face falling right as my stomach drops. “I didn’t know…sorry. I’ll come back later.”
“No, no,” insists my mother. “Come on in, Maisie. I was hoping you’d be early. I want to see you and Evie wearing your dresses together.”
She washopingMaisie would be early? I give my mother a betrayed look, but she ignores me as Maisie reluctantly slips inside. “Where’s Louis?”
“He’ll be back,” says my mom. “You can change in the other room. Your dress is hanging next to mine.”
Maisie nods, her eyes fixed on the rug as she scurries down the hall. As soon as the door clicks shut, I glare at my mom.
“Youinvitedher here?” I hiss, keeping my voice down. “Why—”
“Because she’s your sister, and she’s already been through enough this past year,” says my mom, giving me a look that deflates the worst of my aggravation. Or, quite possibly, panic. If Maisie was willing to go after me, there’s no telling what she might do to my mom the day before the wedding, and the urge to drag Maisie out of the room and throw her back into the main corridor is unfathomably strong.
“She’sbeen through enough?” I whisper, my voice squeaking. “No one’s tried to killherthree, maybe four times!”
My mother clasps my hands, her skin cool and smooth. “Evie. We have two choices here. We can take what happened at face value and never forgive her—”
“Yes, because shealmost killed me,” I hiss again. Why does no one seem to understand that part?
“Or,” says my mom patiently, “we can look at it from her point of view.”
