Tears prickle in my eyes. If I don’t say something right now, I know—IknowI will lose him, as sure as I know that the sky is blue and the English drink way too much tea. So I open my mouth and let the words tumble out.
“I’m sorry,” I croak. “For everything. For getting into that van. For falling for some ridiculous setup. For not telling Singh about the tracker the moment I got back to the flat. For wanting to stay longer and put you—put both of us in even more danger—”
“There’s no need to apologize.” Kit cups the uninjured side of my jaw, his thumb stroking my cheek, and the way he stares into my eyes is devastating. “You want to stop Ben from hurting the people you love, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just…” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I love you, Ev. I always will, more than my own life. But it isn’t supposed to hurt like this.”
I always will.Like this really is the end.
Another invisible string connecting us severs, and my stomach lurches, threatening to bring up my breakfast. “Okay,” Imanage again, but this time it comes out small and broken. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be—” he begins, but I cut him off, because it’s either that or burst into tears, and suddenly I can’t stand the idea of him seeing me cry.
“Text me when you get there,” I say shakily. “Or—Tibby. Text Tibby. My phone…” I trail off. Another reminder of why this is happening. “I’ll see you in March.”
“Evan…” Kit moves toward me, trying to close the distance, but I step back. I don’t want to hurt him more than I already have, but if I don’t find the connection between Ben and the ABR, then my bloodthirsty prince of a cousin will never stop coming after me. After my parents. After Kit and everyone I love. And Ben will get away with murder—literally.
But now I know it will also cost me the best thing in my life, and those two facts can’t fit together in my mind, like two puzzle pieces that are both the wrong shape and size.
Tears leak from the corners of my eyes despite my resistance, and I brush them away. Kit reaches for me again, but his hand stops half an inch from my face. Close enough to feel his warmth, but not his touch.
“Just give me time,” he says softly. “That’s all I ask.”
“Okay,” I repeat. He frowns, and I know it’s not what he was hoping to hear, but it’s all I can say.
“I love you,” he says again, all sincerity and faith, and this, at least, gets a tiny, trembling smile out of me. It’s true, but now I know it isn’t enough.
“I love you, too. More than my own life,” I say, echoing hisearlier words. It’s also true, and it was always enough, or at least I thought it was. But now I know it’s the fatal flaw between us.
He hesitates, and before either of us steps away, he leans down and brushes his lips against my cheek in another chaste kiss. That’s all it is, but it devastates me to my core. Because now I know it really means goodbye.
He doesn’t say it, though. Instead, he picks up his suitcase and gives me one last, long look before stepping out the door. And though every cell in my body screams at me to follow, I stay glued to the rug with the puppy at my heel as he leaves, taking any chance I have at real happiness with him.
Chapter Thirteen
EVANGELINE AND LORD CLARENCE OFFICIALLY CLEARED BY MI5—‘GOVERNMENT ASSETS, NOT SUSPECTS’
—The Daily Sun, 3 February 2024
EVANGELINE BRIGHT AND LORD CHRISTOPHER ABBOTT-MONTGOMERY ‘INSTRUMENTAL’ IN HELPING BRING DOWN ABR
—BBC News, 4 February 2024
LORD CLARENCE BACK IN OXFORD, ATTENDING LECTURES DESPITE HERO STATUS—WHERE IS EVANGELINE?
—The Daily Sun, 5 February 2024
AMERICAN PRINCESS—NOW ROYAL SPY?
—CNN, 6 February 2024
EVANGELINE AND LORD CLARENCE RISKED ALL TO PROTECT FAMILY AND COUNTRY, CLAIMS PALACE INSIDER
—BBC News, 7 February 2024
SOURCE: EVANGELINE KIDNAPPED DURING MISSION, THREATENED BY HEAD OF ABR—STILL WANTED TO CONTINUE DESPITE ROYAL WISHES
—The Daily Sun, 8 February 2024
TIMELINE OF THE OXFORD OPERATION: WHAT WE KNOW SO FAR
