“Thanks,” said Cleo. “Do you mind if I head down?”
Anger flickered on his face, but he hid it within seconds. “Of course not,” he said. He hesitated before turning on the shower. “Should we have a quickie?” he said. “First fuck in the UK?”
“Maybe later,” said Cleo.
In retrospect, she would wish she had taken advantage. She would never have sex with Danny again.
5
Emma
-$47,805.15
“Jesus,” said Rich, “I keep getting calls from the Bank of Missoula. How do I turn off data? I amon vacation in a castle.”
“Must be some mistake,” murmured Emma. She could only imagine what checks were bouncing while they lounged around in swanky robes. There was the mortgage check, the various credit card minimum payments, that damn dentist….
When she had first started with Sweet Nothings, three years before, Cassidy Rose had helped Emma open credit cards in Guinness’s and Jameson’s names to buy the Start-Up Package. When Emma had filled out all the forms, Cassidy Rose held her hands and they sent an intention to the universe together. “OK, picture it,” said Cassidy Rose. “Picture what you want.” Emma was supposed to close her eyes but kept them open, looking at Cassidy Rose’s face, thinking,What I want is to be like you.
At that point, Emma believed she would never touch Rich’s retirement account. Three years later, she had cleaned out fifteen years of savings. After the Big O Package, there was the Next Level class series, the software required to take orders, the Life Xtra Seminars, the monthly “Oh Oh Special” you needed to buy,and Exclusive Fuchsia Level fees. Now everything was gone, including the money she’d borrowed from a few mom friends and the fortune she’d taken from Cleo.
Emma was trying very, very hard to believe that her sex toy ship could still come in. Manifesting success, Cassidy Rose and the Sweet Nothings seminars had taught her, was the only way to attain greatness. She had tobelieve to achieve.
Emma closed her eyes and tried to do as she’d been trained, imagining thetactile details,making her dreamsreality:When they got home, she would recruit some new ambassadors and the money would flow. Doubting this vision, said Cassidy Rose, was Emma’s problem. Emma imagined the bank pen in her hand—plastic, warm—imagined filling out a deposit slip. She manifested walking out of the red brick Bank of Missoula, feeling like a Boss Babe.
“Should we get ready for the picnic thing?” said Rich.
“Rich?”
“Yes?”
Suddenly, Emma wanted to tell her husband about her desires, her debt, her worries that she was in big, big trouble. He looked right at her. How could she say, “Everything is gone”?
“What?” said Rich. There was an edge to his voice. Some part of him must have known the truth. She had tried to be a serene Montana mom. Forfifteen yearsshe had tried. But something about watching Sylvie grasp for happiness…it made Emma’s secrets unbearable.
This feeling was familiar—it was the way she’d felt before she’d met Rich. Holding her mother’s disgusting secrets had broken her, worn her out. One night, she’d been alone with her father, eating meatloaf Cleo had made. Emma could remember the sound of their ticking kitchen clock. (The same clock now ticked in her own kitchen.)
Something in her overflowed that night, and she spoke. “Dad,” she said.
“Em?” he looked up from the meatloaf. His light blue eyes were so kind and trusting. She didn’t want to cause him pain but couldn’t stop herself.
“Mom is…Mom is having…” Emma said, bile rising into her throat. “When Mom says we’re going for walks…at night…it’s not true, Dad. Mom is having an affair!”
Her father’s face contorted, colored; he stood and ran for the bathroom and Emma heard him gag. She started sobbing. But when her father returned, he said, “Don’t you dare, Emma.” His voice was hoarse and final.
“What?” Emma was aching for thanks, or just acknowledgment.
“I don’teverwant to hear you telllieslike that again about your ownmother.” Seamus grabbed his jacket and slammed the door on his way out for the night.
Her father’s lesson was clear.
Emma never told the truth about Donna again.
“Em?” said Rich now. “I’m listening, Em.”
If there was any person in the world who could save Emma, it was her husband. But he was also the one person she couldn’t ask for help, because it would break his big and tender heart. “I just…love you,” said Emma.
“Love means you can tell me whatever you need to, you know,” said Rich.
