“Oh my gods,” I exhale. “Will, see! This is what I’m trying to tell you! Even Bash doesn’t think you’re completely at fault! That’s the truth.”
Will turns toward the horse to hide his expression and pats Jeremy’s nose without a reply. There’s a weight to the air, a deep hurt that has him guarded and distant. After so long apart, having one minuscule moment of reprieve with Bash, one hint of the friendship that once was, gods…I can’t imagine how confusing that must be. It sinks in that this is how Will copes. He hides behind magical wards to avoid the pain and guilt. Covers them up with jokes and smirks. Only lets his feelings show when he’s here, alone, with animals that won’t abandon him. The loneliness after falling out with Bash must have been suffocating. Then to lose his dad shortly after…He’s convinced himself that he’s going to lose me too.
“If you’re feeling better, you should go home,” Will says.
What?
“Why would I do that? I’m safe here.”
“I can contact Pigeon and get her to escort you back. There are plenty of supplies, and you can just say you don’t remember what happened. I’m sure that’ll be true in some way.”
No. No, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave things like this. He can’t push me away and hide in here forever. I won’t allow it. I won’t do it.
“I want to stay.”
“It’s for the best. Besides, the wedding is really soon, right? Cardamine will be wanting his maid of honor back.”
But how soon? The wedding was in just under two weeks before I was injured, so if I was in the castle for five nights…then asleep here for two…and this is the third day I’ve been awake, then that makes the wedding—oh my gods, it’s in two days. The day after tomorrow. Card must be freaking out.
“Will—” I say.
“I need to get cleaned up. I’ll pack up some medicine for you to take home afterward.”
He adjusts a bucket of horse feed and strides out of the stables.
In the silence that remains, Jeremy nudges my shoulder with his nose. I rest my fingers on the soft bristles of his neck and sigh. If I go back to the citadel while things are still so fresh, I don’t know how I could explain everything. I’m pretty sure breaking a fugitive out of the dungeons is a crime, and my curse won’t allow me to feign ignorance. Even if Bash let us go, he’ll be wary. He’ll want to know the details. As will the queen. There’s nothing for me there but stomach-churning questions upon questions that I don’t want to answer.
I stroke Jeremy’s mane and chew on my lip. There’s an unease in my chest like I’ve forgotten something. A fog is draped over me and the shadows in the mist have their teeth bared, waiting for the curtain to be pulled back. My brain must be feeling bruised from all the adrenaline, that’s all…. Aside from that last moment of our escape, all other conscious memories of my time in the physician’s room have vanished without a trace. I don’t remember a single second. Probably for the best…right? Maybe if I try hard enough, I can convince myself it didn’t happen at all. No good can come of looking back. I can only look forward. To the future, to Will, and make him see that he is worthy of being loved. I have a good idea of how to do that, but it’ll be the most nerve-racking truth I’ve told so far.
Chapter Twenty
Back inside my room at the cottage, I practice everything I want to say to make sure my curse will allow it, and when I hear Will come back down the stairs, I stop pacing. I stop rehearsing and force myself out the bedroom door. He stands at the workshop desk in a clean button-down shirt, tipping some crushed ginger into a glass vial. My heart rate spikes at the cute crease of focus on his face.
“This won’t take long,” Will says, his eyes on the task at hand. “We’ve got a variety of remedies to keep you going. I’ll pack all of them just in case.”
My footsteps are slow creaks across the room.
He reaches for a jar of eucalyptus leaves, pops open the lid, and holds one out over a small bottle. I devour the way his breathing slows, and his eyelashes bat together. Gods, he’s beautiful. How I want him to be mine. He casts a whisper of a spell, and the leaf melts into oil in an instant of fragrant steam. It’s that time of day when the sun is setting and the world is gray, when the birds stop singing to settle in their nests, and there’s a hint, a magic, apotentialin the evening mist. Even in this spacious candlelit room, the nightis suspended, allowing me this moment to cherish how, even in the desaturating light, he glows. As the last drop of eucalyptus oil settles, I reach his side, close enough to smell the fresh soap on his skin. I’m ivy, clinging to any moment together.
“Will,” I say, my voice scratchy.
He twists on a wax lid and sets the bottle aside, then reaches for another empty vial.
“Will, stop.”
I place my hand on top of his.
He pauses, a lock of hair hiding his eyes.
“I’m not leaving,” I say.
I summon all the courage I have and trace my fingertips up to his wrists, barely grazing his skin, and lift his hand away from the bottle. His hazel eyes struggle to meet mine, and when they do, he scans my face, lips slightly parted and a tug of disbelief between his eyebrows. Gods, if I could pause the world…
“I’m not leaving you.”
I’d prepared my speech while he was getting cleaned up.Will, you have nothing to feel guilty about. I would come for you no matter what. If I was bleeding, if every bone in my body was broken. If I’d been carved up and beaten, if every single breath was poison, I’d come for you. If anyone stood between us, I’d claw my way to you if it was the last thing I did. To keep you alive, to keep you safe, I’d break you out of a thousand prisons. Drag myself over any obstacle.I’m going to be bold and determined so he understands that I won’t abandon him. He’ll know that there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than by his side.
But now he’s here, in front of me, and the longing I have for him is a forest of aspen trees, not allowing anything else to flourish where they grow. It rattles and laments in the wind and—
