“I was telling your houseguest about a guy in power in DC. Some of the stunts he’s pulled are pure legend.”
John rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t give you a fig for anybody in power in the nation’s capital,” he muttered. “They’re all crooks.”
“Not quite all,” Tanner replied. He looked at his watch and grimaced. “I’m late. Stasia’s making lasagna. I have to be there before the cheese congeals. See you later,” he told John, slapping him on the shoulder as he passed.
John glared at Josie when the truck was pulling out of the driveway. “And aren’t you getting cozy with my big brother,” he said suspiciously.
“Cozy,” she muttered. “He was telling me about a guy he worked with. How is that cozy?”
His pale eyes narrowed on her face. She had her red-gold hair piled high on her head and she never seemed to wear makeup. But she was pretty just the same. That spread of freckles over her nose made her look vulnerable somehow.
“How’s Bill?” she asked, unnerved by his close scrutiny of her face.
He shrugged. “Can’t kill a weed. He’ll be out of the hospital in a couple of days and back to work.”
“I’m glad. JJ really likes him.”
He smiled. “JJ likes everybody.”
“That’s true. He’s a great kid.”
“We missed out on getting the tree today,” he said. “But we’ll try again in a couple of days. JJ wanted to stay until visiting hours are over with Bill. He said he’d like to go back tomorrow.” He turned to her. “So I guess it’s just us going to see the Brannts and Penelope.”
She grinned from ear to ear. “Penelope is a darling.”
“Yes, she is,” he replied quietly. He sighed. “I guess in a few months we’ll have a baby around here. Stasia thinks it’s a girl. The rest of them think it’s a boy.”
She stopped and looked up at him. Her expression was quiet and sympathetic. “There’s this saying from St. Francis of Assisi. I had it on my wall at home. It was a Christmas present from Mom.” She shrugged. “I was always impatient about things. She said I needed perspective. So she got me the plaque.”
“I know it by heart,” he replied. “It’s all about changing what we can and accepting the rest.”
She nodded slowly. “It’s good to remember that there are things we can’t change, no matter how much we want to change them.” Her eyes looked haunted.
He scowled. He’d thought she was making a dig at him over his feelings for Stasia, but that was stark anguish in her green eyes, not vengeance.
“You lost somebody,” he said.
She drew in a breath. She nodded slowly. “I lost somebody because I did the wrong thing at the wrong time,” she added. And she had. She’d exchanged assignments that one day because she wanted to get off early to watch a TV movie she’d anticipated. And because she wasn’t there, and her former partner hadbeen paired with a raw, naive recruit, her partner had died. It lay on her conscience like acid.
“That must be a tough thing to carry,” he said unexpectedly.
She looked up at him with tormented eyes. “Hell on earth. And no matter how far I run or how fast, I’ll never outrun it. But acceptance... that won’t ever happen.”
“Was he the sort of guy who held grudges?” he asked, anticipating that she’d let down a fellow criminal during some crime. Even so, he wasn’t demeaning her. She was hurting.
“No,” she said, sighing. “He was a gentle man. He had a wife and little children...” She took a long breath. “She blamed me. I blamed myself. It was the only time I ever did such a stupid thing. But one time was all it took.”
“We all make mistakes, because we’re human,” he said quietly. “It’s why they put erasers on pencils.”
She smiled sadly. “There’s no eraser big enough to undo this mistake,” she said. “So I just go from day to day, trying not to mess things up again.”
He smiled gently. “Good philosophy.”
She shrugged and smiled back. “So they say.”
Cole called John from the barn to talk to a visiting rancher who’d just shown up, and Josie went back into the house to help Heather. Presumably, they’d go see the Brannts later. Meanwhile, she was seeing a shift in John’s antagonistic attitude. It felt... nice. She smiled to herself.
Eleven
