We’ve gone back and forth for weeks, ever since I found out Caden flaked on the trip. The phrase “have fun and don’t die” still makes me want to scream.
“You know you don’t have to prove anything tome, right?” she says. “When you’re out there and hating it, just remember I was fully in favorof us spending every day together lounging by the pool. I don’t want you to resent me.”
“I could never resent you,” I say, and it’s true. Not even her completely wrong opinion about how I’m too much of a control freak to thrive in the wilderness could ever come between us.
Abby sighs. “I’m just afraid you’re still doing it to prove something to Caden.”
This—this stops me.
In all the times we’ve had this conversation, she’s never said anything like this. It’s always been the bugs, the snakes, the heat, the sweat, the climbing, the camping, and on and on. This must be therealreason she thinks I shouldn’t go.
“I’m not doing it to prove something to Caden,” I say reflexively.
But we both know that’s a lie, and we both know I’m not a liar. Also, my vlogging equipment betrays me.
Abby gives me a pointed look.
“Okay, so maybe I am, just a little,” I admit. “But I’m also doing it because it soundsfun. I read that you can see a bajillion stars at night in the Sierras—and there are waterfalls!Waterfalls, Abby!”
She usually has a quick reply for everything, but she’s quiet now, studying me with a look that can only be described as supportive concern.
“Twelve nights is a long time to go without a mattress,” Abby eventually says with big, sad eyes. She appreciates the great indoors as much as I do.
I pull everything back out of my pack for an honest assessment.
“I’m going to have to lose some of this stuff.”
Once it’s all laid out on my bed, I’m not even sure where to begin.
“A curling iron, Sadie, really?” Abby says. “And a ceramic coffee mug?Anda coffee scale and your entire pour-over setup?”
She has yet to comment on the pink fuzzy slippers and silk pajama sets, but I suspect that’s only because she hasn’t noticed them.
“You do know there’s not going to be any electricity?” she asks, holding up my spare phone charger, my AirPods, and my Kindle. “And, um—these sandals?”
I take my strappy espadrilles from her and throw them into the pile of clothes I eliminated from the packing list before she came over.
“I thought they’d be cute for my videos,” I say defensively. “And we won’t be hiking thewholetime, right?”
Abby bites back a laugh. “They really are cute. But considering the circumstances…”
She glances at my empty carcass of a backpack, its entrails spilled all over the bed.
“Fine. I admit you have a point.”
We eliminate a few more items, pink fuzzy slippers included, but I get to keep my silk pajama sets since they’re made of breathable cooling material that will be practicalandcute in the warm weather. I also keep the lightweight hand-crank solar charger I ordered from REI so I can use my phone to film the vlog, but ditch my regular one that plugs into an outlet. Abby helps me portion out all my coffee grounds so I can leave the scale behind, too, then finds the perfect spot for my LifeStraw bottle so I can filter water as needed. Half an hour later, the zipper slides all the way up without me even breaking a sweat.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” Abby says with a pretty pout. “I hope you’re not too miserable.”
I slip a tube of lip gloss back into the pack, inspired by Abby’s full lower lip. When she’s not looking, I slip a pair of cashmere socks back in, too.
“I hopeyou’renot too miserable when I come back and shout ‘I told you so!’ after I end up loving this life-changing experience.”
She laughs. “Ihopeyou’re shouting ‘I told you so!’ at the end of all this. Truly.”
Despite my bravado, I admit I’m a touch anxious about the whole situation—I’m obviously not going to tell Abby that, though, after how persistent she’s been at trying to talk me out of it. Nothing in mewantsto be away from electricity or air conditioning or my cloudlike mattress and soft, soft sheets. Nothing in me wants to get up close and personal with any snakes or spiders or…whatever else might be lurking in the wilderness.
But the point is, I got unceremoniously dumped because Caden thought I wouldn’t survive a single day out there, even with a tour guide, and I’m nothing if not stubborn. He may not be on the trip anymore, but that’s what the vlog is for—and Iknowhe’ll be watching. He said it himself: I’ll makegreatentertainment!
