“Where’s your insulin?”
His eyes start to close again, so I slap his face a few more times. “Stay with me. Where’s your insulin?’
He says something that sounds like “all gone.” But that can’t be right.
I ask him again, trying to keep this rising sense of panic out of my voice. He lifts his head this time, eyes wide open, and says the words I don’t want to hear. “My insulin is all gone.”
I feel light-headed. “What do you mean, all gone? Since when?”
“Yesterday.”
“How is that possible?”
“Gabby…” He trails off.
“Gabby was supposed to get more for you?”
He nods, his eyes closing.
“Fuck.” I’m filled with white-hot rage at the callousness and cowardice of Gabby and Tyler’s decision. But I don’t have time to be angry. I prop him up enough that I can feed him some of my granola bar. He chews slowly and struggles to swallow. I try to give him some water, but most of it dribbles down his chin.
“Kei, come on, we’ve got to get going, come on.” But even as I say the words, I know how this is going to go. He’s not going anywhere.
“Fuck!” I scream, to no one. Hot tears spill onto my cheeks. I lean over, resting my head on Kei’s chest. His body is slick with sweat, and his heartbeat sounds weak and fluttery. My body shakes with sobs.
He brings a hand to my back, rubbing absent-mindedly.
“Is Kimi coming?” His voice is barely more than a whisper.
Kimi. His sister. The lack of insulin clearly has him confused.
I feel like I could fall into a million pieces at this question, but I hold myself together. “Yes. She’ll be here soon.” I sit up, swiping the tears from my face with the backs of my hands. I pull in a shuddery breath and say the words I don’t want to say. “She’ll be here with you while I go get you some insulin.”
He nods, and my heart breaks. But I have to go, and I have to go now. Every minute that passes without insulin is a minute that we can’t afford to waste, so I don’t have time to agonize over this decision. I just have to go.
“I’ll be back so soon, okay?” I push a dark curl back away from his face. “You just rest here, and before you know it, we’ll be together again. Okay?”
He smiles weakly, his eyes closed.
I try to make him as comfortable as possible, but it feels deeply futile. I remove some of the bigger rocks underneath his arms and calves, but there is nothing soft to put under his head, and nothing to give him some shelter. If I thought I could lift him, I’d drag him into the forest, but he’s too heavy and it’s too far. At least he’s not in the full sun—it’s late afternoon by now, maybe five o’clock, so at least I don’t have to worry about him getting sunstroke.
I put the rest of my granola bar and his bottle of water near his hand. I crouch down and press my lips into his forehead. I breathe him in—the warmth of his skin, the smell of his coconut shampoo. I push away the thought that this might be the last time I ever see him. Can’t let my mind go there. And then, with every ounce of strength I have, I force myself to pull away.
I’m turning to leave as he grabs my ankle. “Cleo?” His voice is barely more than a whisper.
“Yes.” I wait for his reply, long enough that I start to think that maybe I only imagined him saying my name. But then he says it again.
“Cleo?”
“Yes, Kei?”
“Love you.”
My breath catches in my throat. “Love you, too.”
And then I leave him.
Chapter Forty
