“Or maybe you and Ava were mismatched, but you still tried to do all of the right things for her too. Maybe you weren’t theright people for each other and circumstances and expectations made decisions for you. Maybe it sucks that life robbed you of the chance to find out if you could’ve been happier, but you can’t change it. You can’t bring her back and find out.”
He's eyeing me warily.
I need to stop talking.
Stop lecturing him.
But for all that he’s put up with from me—from me punching him when we met to letting me climb him when the mice came running to being my partner in crime with too much wine to letting me yell at him when he found me naked in the cellar—I deserve to be honest with him.
And I hope he knows that I’m coming from a place of care.
That’s what Mabel and Ginny and Pip and Olivia and Samantha and Dori and Elizabeth—and Heath too—have done for me since I’ve been here.
They’ve taught me without a single lecture or sigh or eye roll that I get to be who I am, and that I don’t have to be perfect.
I lick my lips and go on. “Maybe all we can ever do is our best, and maybe our best isn’t great some days, and maybe you’ve never let someone else carry the load for you on those days when your best is just sitting on the couch, watching baseball and eating cereal for every meal. You get to be human too, Heath. The good and bad and up and down and messy parts too. I always thought I had to be perfect because of how my parents raised me. What’s your excuse?”
He swipes a hand over his mouth.
“I’m not saying this because I want you to date me.” I roll my eyes at myself. “I mean, yes, I like you. If you asked me out on a date, I’d say yes. But as your friend, as someone who’s benefited from everyone here demonstrating that for me day in and day out this past month, I think you need to hear it. No matter what happens with us.”
“Goddammit, Cricket,” he mutters.
I start. “What?”
“Iwouldmake a scene if I kissed you the way I want to right now.”
My nipples pebble, and wet heat floods between my thighs. “No.”
“Yes.”
“Oh my god. You really do like being scolded.”
“I—yes. Clearly I have issues.”
I smile at him and drop my voice. “Maybe we make a private scene soon?”
He glances at his half-eaten burger, then at my cheesecake and brussels sprouts. “Eat. So we can leave.”
“Right. Quit talking, Cricket,” I say.
He reaches across the table to grip my wrist. “Because you need fuel to survive what I intend to do to you tonight. Not because I don’t want you to talk. And not because you’ve said anything wrong. I wanted—I wanted to talk to you because I like your opinions and takes on things.”
“You do know who you’re talking to right now, don’t you?”
“I’m talking to a friend I trust to tell me the hard things.”
“I don’t tell everyone the hard things.”
“I appreciate that you tell me.”
I smile so hard my eyes water as I spoon another bite of cheesecake. “I appreciate you.”
“Same.” His gaze dips to my lips. “For so many reasons.”
I finish my dinner in record time.
He pays the bill.
