His expression lightened and he touched her arm. A single stroke that was both longing and connection. And then he spoke, his words shocking her into reality.
“He also didn’t use a condom.”
Becca froze, the words echoing in her brain. Mentally, she pulled up her calendar, trying to remember when she’d last had a period, but she didn’t know. There’d been no need to keep track. Meanwhile, Carl squeezed her arm.
“Don’t panic. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it. Whatever you want, I won’t abandon you.”
She looked into his eyes. Abandonment wasn’t her fear. It was everything else. The choices, the possibilities, and the moral weight of it all. Could she fit a baby into her life? Did she dare consider giving it up for adoption or something worse? What would Theo think? And how the hell had she let this happen?
And yet, even as those thoughts scrambled for purchase, another wholly instinctive part of her settled into a purring contentment. Was this the animal part of her? If so, it was happily knitting booties and settling into Carl’s bedroom as if it were a den made just for her and their child.
“Becca, really. There’s no need to panic. Odds are nothing happened.”
“That’s what my sister said and nine months later, Theo was born.”
He touched her chin, drawing her gaze up to his. “We both have plenty on our plates right now. Don’t add more before you have to.”
“Good advice, except that life still keeps happening.” She closed her eyes and dropped back against the headboard. “Jesus, I’m supposed to be the responsible one. I didn’t even think. Last night, I just felt.”
His voice was quiet, but she heard him clearly. “And how did it feel, Becca?”
She opened her eyes. “You know it was wonderful, Carl. But…” She swallowed. His question had been about more than just the night. It was about who they were together. “This whole situation is out of control. I have a normal life back in Kalamazoo. I have a business and a son.” And what was she doing creating babies when Theo was missing?
He turned away, his expression carefully blanked. The bear in him was completely absent, which meant his emotions were locked down. “I need to shower before Tonya gets here. Then I’m going to find Theo and everything will be fine.”
Was that even possible anymore? She didn’t think so. So much had happened since Theo’s disappearance that she wasn’t sure she could find normal again. Not in a world where her adopted son was a bear shifter. And she was potentially pregnant with another.
She bit her lip, fighting the frustration. Every time she thought she had her life under control, something happened to destroy her peace. First it had been her father’s abandonment, then her sister’s pregnancy. Next came the deaths, Nancy’s and her mother’s, leaving her and Theo to find a new balance together. And now? Now everything was off-kilter again.
She couldn’t take it. It was too much.
“Becca…”
She held up her hand, stopping him from talking. “First things first,” she said. “Find Theo. I can’t deal with anything more.”
She didn’t even look at him, but kept her eyes closed and her head down. She wouldn’t look up until he was gone.
Twenty minutes later, she got her wish. He showered and left without another word. But once the door thudded shut behind him, she finally took stock. What was on today’s plate? She would deal with that. Sadly, the only thing she had to occupy her time was meaningless chores and endless worry.
CHAPTER 18
“Okay, you are officially a pain in my ass.”
Carl jolted as he looked at Tonya. She was driving the squad car as they went to the next house on their list. “What?”
“You’ve been a shit all morning and that last conversation with Mr. Edelstein? Not necessary to put him against the wall.”
“You?” he stressed, layering sarcasm in every word. “You’re chewing me out for too much force?”
“Yes. Because that’s my beat. You’re the thinking one. Except today you’re Mr. Get Outta My Face.”
“Yeah, I am. So get out.”
She snorted. “You’ll have to get a lot more violent for that to work on me.”
“Don’t push me, Tonya. I mean it.”
She huffed out a breath. “You playing the alpha card? Was that an order?”
