“Ew!” Laddin mumbled as he wiped away the slobber. “Cheese breath.” But given all the smells around here, that was probably one of the better ones.
They both turned to look again at Fetid Feta. The fairy was watching them with narrowed eyes, but the in the end, he bowed deeply before speaking again.
“Then we greet you, Cheese Breath, and welcome you to our great holy war.”
“No, I’m not….” Laddin stopped himself. Obviously the fairy thought he’d been introducing himself as Cheese Breath, but it wasn’t worth correcting. Especially when there was something more interesting to pursue. “Um, what great holy war, exactly?”
“The one against our mortal enemy! You destroyed her structure and have therefore declared us the winner in this battle. Behold the enemy prisoner before she departs.” He made a great gesture to the pile of sticks and stones, and there, sitting and sulking, was a tiny fairy who looked relatively normal compared to all the cheese around her. She wore a dress made of flowers that did not go with her furious expression as she pushed to her feet, kicked at a loose pebble, then gave them a middle-finger salute before puffing out of existence.
In response, all the cheese fairies pointed their middle fingers sideways and made a farting noise before pointing at Bruce and dissolving into laughter. Honest to God, it was a funny, funny sight, and Laddin couldn’t help but snort in laughter. Or maybe it was hysteria still. Hard to tell.
Bruce looked at him with a wounded expression, but he didn’t really seem hurt. If anything, the poor guy looked bewildered. Laddin dropped his forehead into Bruce’s fur and took a deep breath. The wolf definitely smelled better than anything else around here. And while he took comfort from the wolf’s solid presence, he whispered into the fur, knowing that Bruce would hear him clearly enough.
“We have to get out of here,” he whispered. The fae were capricious, and no mortal was safe around them.
Bruce woofed softly in agreement, and so Laddin straightened to his feet with a smile. His knees were weak and he kept a hand deep in Bruce’s ruff, but he made sure his voice was strong. “Well, Grand Master Cheesy, Great Fetid Feta, we thank you for this experience. Sadly, we must be leaving.” He was very pleased with himself for remembering the details of the leader’s name.
Except Feta didn’t seem so pleased. He leaped forward and dropped his hands on his crumbly hips. “You cannot leave! You have declared yourself our friend and therefore cannot leave until our grand mission is accomplished!”
Laddin narrowed his eyes. “And what is that grand mission, exactly?”
Feta looked like he was shocked that Laddin didn’t know. His mouth gaped open, and then a puff of mold came out before he turned to all the assembled cheeses, lifted his arms high, and began to shout. All the other True Cheeses joined in until the field rang like it was filled with wind chimes.
“Fairyland! Fairyland! Fairyland!”
Laddin looked at Bruce, who shifted his front legs as if he were shrugging. And still the cry continued until Laddin felt dizzy. He held up his hand to stop Feta, who quieted immediately and with him all the other fairies. Suddenly Laddin’s ears all but rang with the quiet.
“What about Fairyland?”
“Fairyland! Fairyland! Fairyland!”
The entire group began cheering again until Laddin clapped his hands over his ears. Bruce too dipped his head and whimpered, not that Laddin could hear it. He felt it through the press of Bruce’s wolf body against his.
Finally Feta silenced everyone and Laddin dared to drop his hands from his ears. “Is the place in danger?” He had no wish to name it aloud again.
Feta shook his head solemnly. “We are barred from the holy land, blocked by those who will not dress as cheese.”
Now he understood. “You cannot get to the holy land, and you want to go home.”
“Yes,” Feta intoned. “So we wage our war.”
“But how are they stopping you?”
Feta shook his head sadly. “We don’t know. We only know that much from the words of the prophet.” He gestured to a wedge of cheese beneath a tree. “Smoked Gouda has so said.”
Laddin blinked. Dark smoke appeared to waft off the fairy wedge of cheese.
“Maybe we can help,” he offered, and suddenly everyone took an excited step forward. “I said maybe,” he quickly clarified. “Do you remember how you got here? How did you leave the holy land?”
A low voice spoke, and Laddin didn’t have to look to know that it was Gouda. “Always here, never there,” he intoned.
Right. In short, they had no idea. “I, um, I need to do some research, then, to see if I can find you an answer—”
“Sir Bottom Air knows! He comes from the holy land. We can ride on his wind straight to Fairyland!”
Apparently, Bruce had been upgraded from Hero to Knight of the Bottom Air. “Okay, but—”
“Fairyland! Fairyland! Fairyland!”
