Chapter 23
BING REMAINEDsilent as they hopped in the car and sped away. He’d already texted what he knew to Yordan and Nero. They would make sure to handle whatever could be done in the paranormal spectrum, so he sat in the car while the miles sped away and quietly brooded.
He did that a lot and was really sick of it.
“Hey, no offense,” Walter said after about twenty minutes, “but this whole strong silent type is way sexier onscreen than it is in person.” He touched Bing’s tightened fist where it lay on the armrest between them. “What’s going through your head?”
Bing grimaced. He didn’t talk because he didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t trying to be sexy. He was trying to figure things out before he gave voice to them.
Apparently Walter already knew that. “I know you’re sorting through things in your head, but we’re a couple now, right? Can you try and share your inner self with me?”
“You know more about my inner self than anybody. We’ve worked and lived side by side for over a year.”
“And in all that time, you rarely opened up about your feelings.”
“But I did. I haven’t done that with anybody else.”
“And now I want you to do it again.”
Bing grimaced. He knew Walter was right, but it was still hard to put into words something he was only now feeling. “All my life, I have done what was expected of me. I showed promise as a boy in kung fu, so my parents dedicated me to that training. I also showed promise as an actor, and so I went into acting.”
“Are you saying you didn’t want to?”
Bing shook his head. “No. I enjoyed it, but no one ever asked me if it was what I wanted.”
“Because you did… right?”
“Yes.” It was hard to explain that in China, what one person wanted was so much less important than what everyone wanted. The United States glorified individualism. China did not. “I went where my parents and teachers pushed. By doing so, I became a good son, a good student, a good member of society.” He looked over at Walter. “I chose two things for myself. In my entire life, only two.”
“What were they?”
Not what—who. “Kong and you.”
“That’s not a good statistical sampling, you know. You need to make more personal choices and see how they work out before you can come to any real conclusion.”
Bing smiled at the very Walter response. He didn’t challenge the feelings, only the conclusion. “I don’t regret my choice with you.” He blew out a breath. “But in choosing you, I gave up my ability to fight. We don’t know what Sand has done. We don’t know where Monkey is. It could be ugly and dangerous.”
“You’re still a lethal martial artist. You can be part of the fight.” But then he sighed and proved he knew Bing better than anyone. “But that’s not the real problem, is it? You’re wondering if you really wanted to give up being a werewolf.”
Bing looked away. “What use does the world have for one more actor? A werewolf can do so much more for so many more, even though no one knows about it.”
“I guess we now know you’re not in it for the fame,” Walter said as he took a curve hard enough for the car to slip. The wheels righted themselves, but it was an anxious few seconds. When it was done, he kept talking. “You’re asking the wrong questions, I think. We don’t know what the world needs more of. Another screenwriter? Hell, we’re a dime a dozen. Same with actors. And I have no idea how many werewolves there are, but damn it, Bing, you can’t judge your worth by how you affect the world. We don’t know if a good story helps someone survive the night. How many fans have written you about how inspiring Red Wolf is to them? We don’t know the effect we have on others. But that doesn’t stop us from doing good work.”
Bing looked over. “You’ve wrestled with this question before.”
“You know I have. My family is filled with doctors and bioengineers. They’re saving people’s lives. I’m—”
“Saving their souls?”
“Maybe. I was going to say that I was filling their leisure time with something other than reality TV.”
And wasn’t that a funny statement? Because Walter loved reality TV. He called it his guilty pleasure. Either way, it made Bing smile. “I’m just saying….” His voice trailed away as he struggled to find the words.
“That you regret giving up being a werewolf. It’s okay to say that aloud.” Walter flashed him a worried look.
“I don’t regret us,” Bing said, knowing that was one of Walter’s concerns. Hell, it was one of his own, but on this his feelings were clear. With or without the Red Wolf energy, he felt very strongly for Walter. Was that love? Probably yes. “But I worry about what’s happening right now with Sand, Gator, and—”
“The kangaroos. Why the hell did she pick kangaroos?”
