Chapter 22
THERE WASN’Troom to spar in the tiny motel room. Fortunately there was a big open field behind the building, and it was a warm night. Within a few minutes they were both outside, trading kicks and jabs as if they’d been doing it all their lives.
Except they hadn’t. This was the way they’d tried to work out many times, but Walter had been too nervous to test his skills. He didn’t want to fail against Bing, so he’d dropped into comedy rather than spar for real. But now he was calm and happy. There was no one in his brain second-guessing his moves. Not even himself.
That let him relax into the pretend fight in a way that had never happened before, which set Bing to smiling as he sparred back. Soon, they were sweaty, though sadly the ground was not a soft mat. By the third time he was thrown, Walter felt bruised. Bing, too, as he absently rubbed at a scrape on his thigh.
“We need an indoor gym,” Walter groused.
Bing shook his head. “We don’t need to do more. I know the answer.”
“And?” He didn’t really need to ask. Bing was grinning as he hadn’t since… well, ever.
“I’m me again.” He twisted his neck, and the cracking sound it made was painful to hear. “Faults and all.”
“No more supernatural healing?”
Bing shook his head. “So I guess I’d better ice my knees.”
Walter knew this routine well. They went together to find an ice machine and picked up plastic bags from the 7-Eleven, where they also bought chips and microwave pizza. This was disastrous food for men who were supposed to work on camera, but neither of them cared. It was a throwback to their days living together, and for right now, they both needed their connection to the past so they could look ahead to what might be a new future for them.
Or at least that was what Walter hoped.
His chest tightened with the familiar anxiety. Should he say anything? He should be content with the good feelings right now, but he couldn’t relax. He needed to know if Bing was thinking of a future with him. What would he do if Bing told him he didn’t want anything more than what they had right now? It would probably crush him. He shouldn’t ask. And yet….
Right there was where he cut off his thoughts. He would not go back to pondering the endless cycle of idiocy in his head just because he was too afraid to ask. He’d lived through the worst. He’d existed for two months without knowing if Bing lived or died. As they finished off the last of the pizza, Walter manned up and voiced one of the questions that was burning in his brain.
“How do you feel?”
Bing patted his belly. “Fat, but it was worth it.”
“Agreed,” Walter said as he cleaned up the tiny table in the motel room. It was something he often did to settle his nerves, but instead of fiddling endlessly with the garbage, he shoved it in the wastebasket and faced Bing. “How do you feel about us? About being together, you know, as a couple?”
Bing looked at him, his expression dark and mysterious. Damn it! The man wasn’t going to say anything, and that would put Walter in limbo again. He hated that.
“This feels good, Walter,” Bing said quietly. Then, to clear up any confusion, he gestured between the two of them. “It feels like how it should be. You and me working out together, sharing dinner, even talking about our days. It feels right.”
Walter nodded. That was good. The old Walter would have taken that half measure and counted it a victory. But new Walter wasn’t okay with that anymore. “How about sharing a bed?”
Bing grinned. “That felt pretty right too.”
Better and better. His heartbeat quickened in hope. Since the last few questions had gone so well, he decided to push it one last time, and this was the biggest risk of all. Assuming he could still voice words despite his nervous dry mouth.
“It feels right to me too. Actually, it feels like love to me.” He swallowed, then forced himself to continue. “Does it feel like, um,thatto you?”
Bing didn’t answer. He was silent a really long time, his dark eyes serious as he looked at Walter. It was a heavy silence, and Walter had to fight the need to flinch away, to say,Never mind! I didn’t mean it!
Except hehadmeant it, and he deserved an answer.
Unfortunately Bing didn’t have one. Eventually he confessed to his confusion.
“I don’t trust what I feel.” The words seemed torn out of him, though he spoke in a near whisper. Bing dropped his head back against the faded wallpaper as he stared up at the ceiling. “Two months ago I thought I understood life. I had a place, a great friend, and a job that was getting better with every passing moment. Then I lost it all.”
“You didn’t lose me,” Walter said firmly.
“I thought I did.” Then before Walter could say anything, he lifted his head to look directly at him. “I was wrong, and I’m so sorry.”
It was ridiculous to feel a weight roll off his shoulders at those words, but it did. Bing was taking responsibility for what he’d done to Walter. And from that place, Walter could forgive him. Which, naturally, made him love the guy even more.
