“Then get on with it,” Nero growled.
“When we were on the couch. You know, when I needed to be….”
“Grounded back in your body?”
“Yeah. That.”
Nero arched a brow. “Yeah. What?”
“Did you need that as much as I did? Not like I did, obviously. You said you get grounded by eating.”
“I do.”
“But what we did. The touching. The caring. Did you need it too? Like dying of thirst need. Like you’d suffocate without it?”
“You’re mixing metaphors.”
“And you’re ducking the question.” He leaned forward, his body and his gaze suddenly intense. “Did you, Nero? Did you need it too?”
Nero felt his belly tighten as his entire body went still. He could lie. He knew he could and get away with it. He needed to keep the too-smart-for-his-own-good geek away from the inner workings of his mind. But he was so fucking tired of no one understanding what he was feeling. Josh was right. He didn’t want to be punished—he wanted his team back. He wanted to run in the woods with them as they tumbled into the stream. He wanted the camaraderie and the—
“Touching, Nero. Did you need to be touched too?”
“Yes.” A thousand fucking times, yes. But not in a pervy way. Not like he needed someone to jerk him off. He just wanted someone to be with him like his pack had been with him. “Sometimes,” he rasped, “we would go running, and afterwards, we’d stay in our wolf forms. All of us inside, where it was warm, and piled on top of one another. It wasn’t about sex.” Though, honestly, sometimes that happened. “It was about us being together. Physically, all together.”
And now it was gone. And fuck, now his face was wet. Why was he crying? They weren’t dead yet. And still, Josh was relentless. When he spoke, the gentle tone was like that fucking can opener slitting Nero’s chest wide open.
“So when you jerked me off, that was about giving me something I needed.”
Nero nodded. “Yes.”
“So can I do it for you? Same thing? Let me touch you, let me give you something. It’s not going to replace them, but it’ll be something intimate from someone who cares.”
Nero jerked forward, but he stopped himself. He wanted it. God, he wanted it with this earnest brainiac of a busybody. But he couldn’t do it so easily. He couldn’t just replace them with him.
“That’s not fair. To them or you.”
“What about you?”
He shrugged. He’d long since given up thinking about what was fair to him.
Josh hopped up from the bed. His long-legged stride was loose, but there was tension in his hands and his shoulders. And his eyes were wide and kind. Only Cream had looked at Nero like that. So damned kind, it had hurt to see him so vulnerable, as if a single harsh word would crumple him. And Josh was wearing that same look. Tentative, nervous, but still determined.
He came and squatted down in front of Nero.
“Are you gay?”
Nero shrugged. “For the most part.” He’d been with members of his pack, of both sexes. It was about the pack. But for him to get really turned-on required a male partner.
“I’m exploring,” Josh said. “So how about we explore a little together? No pressure. No commitment. Just—”
“Touching.”
“And anything else you want to do.”
Anything else? Everything else? Suddenly it didn’t matter to Nero. Trainee, instructor, recruit, abductor. All those words didn’t compute. It was Josh touching his face gently, rubbing his thumb over Nero’s lower lip while he bit his own. Damn, it was so fucking endearing—this nervous possibility and the gentle stroke of someone who cared.
“Ever done it with a guy before, Josh?”
