Yeah…I was falling head over heels in love with him.
I wasn’t surprised. I’d started falling for him long before our first date. But the depth of my feelings shocked me into silence. It’d only been a couple weeks and here I was, agreeing to whatever he wanted. Sure, it was no hardship to go on a weekend away, but I would have said yes to anything he asked, just because it made him smile. And that was what surprised me. The feeling was as frightening as it was thrilling.
Meanwhile, Jake was grinning as he played around on his phone and scooted tighter against me on the couch. I looked and saw he’d pulled up the All-Star Game website. “Here’s what I’d like to do…”
I let him talk, not really listening to the words. My mind was still wrapped up my realization. But even as my brain grappled with that, my heart overflowed with happiness. Waves of love seemed to roll through me as I watched him talk. He was all boyish enthusiasm, the excitement vibrating through his words and his body. God, it was amazing to be with someone who was that happy.
“How lucky you are,” I murmured, “that you love your job so much, and get to share it with people who love you for it.” I envied him that. But more important, I was grateful that I was going to get to share it with him. Thathechose to share it withme.
Meanwhile, he closed his mouth and his expression shifted. He started out with a flushed kind of pleasure—or so I thought—but pretty quickly, his eyes grew serious. There was still a reddish tinge to his skin, but his eyes became intense, as if he was about to admit something important. “I don’t want to be loved because I can catch and throw a ball well.”
Okay, good point. “Getting tired of the false fan adulation?”
He shrugged, then got that twinkle in his eyes that made him irresistible. “Well, a little adulation isn’t bad.”
I laughed. “You’ve got plenty. But now you’re looking for something more substantial?” This was me pushing for him to realize we had something good, something deep, going on between us. Sure, in the last week, we’d talked about everything, but it had all been fairly superficial. If I was falling in love—the forever kind of love—then I wanted to know more about him. About us and our possible future…if we even had one. Because as much as I lived and breathed for his happiness, this relationship wasn’t real. As far as I knew, whatever this was between us would end as soon as the season was over. “What do you want?” I pressed. “I mean, from the woman in your life?”
He didn’t hesitate. “All I want is you,” he said. But the words were delivered so lightly, I didn’t believe them. Then he kissed me, sweet and slow. I sank into it, too nervous to push for anything deeper. Just because I was falling head over heels in love didn’t mean he was, too. So why ruin what we had right now, just because I wanted more than he could give? We were stuck with each other for the next couple of months, so there was no need to make life miserable.
At least, that’s what I told myself. I wasn’t sure if it was sound logic or cowardice. All I knew is that I’d be crushed if Jake rejected me now.
So I stayed silent. I fell into his kiss and we made love in a slow, sweet way because experiencing an awesome orgasm was way better than facing my fears. And then I had to go to work, so it was too late to ask awkward questions anyway.
Yeah, I was a coward. I’d definitely have to work on that sometime soon. But not now, not when I was so happy. And on the upside, I did get a couple days off. It took some fancy footwork and a promise to babysit my coworker’s twins next month, but I managed it. And the sound of Jake’s excitement when I gave him the news over the phone was enough for me to tuck my fears away. At least, for now.
…
Two hours into the All-Star Game frenzy, I was wondering what the hell I’d been thinking. I was an introvert. I didn’t like crowds. I certainly didn’t like sticky kids, loud drunks, and people with cameras everywhere, trying to get a selfie with Jake. Why hadn’t I thought things through before I agreed to this?
It was all because I’d looked online for pictures of him at other All-Star Games. It had been a big mistake. There had been hundreds of images of Jake at past games…and in many of them, he had some gorgeous model by his side. I found pictures of his father and brother too, but it was the women who stuck out. There had been a half dozen of them over the years, all with excellent cheekbones, tastefully applied makeup, and a casual outfit that managed to make her look both sexy and fun. Me, I was sweating in the heat, nauseous from all the conflicting food smells, and doing my best to shrink into the crowds.
Only Jake wouldn’t let me shrink away. He was always pulling me close, tucking excited little boys between us for pictures or offering me whatever ballpark food I might want. And there was quite a variety, including a crab shack, which, I had to admit, was pretty damn good. But that meant that I had crab sauce staining my Bobcat jersey in the next hundred photos.
“Come on,” Jake urged as he waved away yet another excited father and son. “It’s almost Rob’s turn in the Home Run Derby.”
I hustled behind him, working hard to remember why I was here. Jake was incredibly happy, and that made me happy, too. It wasn’t his fault that my insecurities were getting the best of me. In fact, if he didn’t seem to mind that I wasn’t five eleven and a size 2, then why should I? So what if I wasn’t model-thin? I was the one he’d brought this year, and I intended to enjoy it as much as my shy soul could manage. Which meant that I would just have to stick close to Jake and hope some of his little-boy giddiness rubbed off on me.
“I’m coming!” I called, doing some fancy maneuvering around a couple of very large men with hot dogs before I caught up to Jake. He was trying to clear a path for us. If I stayed right behind him—my hands curled tight into his jeans—I could sail through the crowd in his wake.
I heard the announcer introduce Rob Lee of the Bobcats, well before we made it to our seats. Then he listed a bunch of stats I didn’t understand. Jake had told me that Rob was a contender for Rookie of the Year and well on his way to being one of the league’s best hitters. The fact that there wasn’t any jealousy in his tone made my heart melt. In fact, Jake cheered so loud when Rob stepped up to the plate, I almost had to cover my ears. As Rob grinned and waved to the screaming crowd, I looked around and found Heidi waiting in the stands, her hands clutched to her heart and love clear on her face. Whatever happened here, she was his most adoring fan. And look at me, no jealousy at all. In fact, I totally understood how Heidi was feeling…until I remembered that unlike Heidi and Rob’s, my relationship with Jake was fake.
Talk about throwing a bucket of ice water on my happiness. But I rapidly pushed the thought away. Jake was having a great time, so I would, too. Resolved, I sat down in my amazing seat and prepared to enjoy the show. Jake sat down, too, but he was stopped on either side by people who obviously knew him well.
“No Pops this year?” the first one asked. “Is he feeling okay?”
“He’s great,” Jake answered. “But I wanted to bring Ellie this year. It’s her first time.”
I was busying saying hello when someone behind us tapped Jake on the shoulder. “Where’s Pops?”
Jake turned with a smile that was growing tight. “He couldn’t make it this year. This is Ellie.”
And then again, a third comment, this time from someone seated farther back. “What? No Pops? That’s too bad!”
It didn’t take me long to figure out what had happened. The people in these seats came to the game every year, and tried to get tickets that would give them the same view of the diamond. Obviously, Jake and his dad had been regulars as well. Except this year, Jake had brought me.
I wanted to read all sorts of lovely things into that, but I knew the reality was more likely something darker. Judging by Jake’s expression, he hadn’t wanted his dad to come. The two were still on the outs, and once again, I had been too cowardly to press for details. So I was the last-minute replacement, not the adored new girlfriend, and my smile must have shown the strain.
He leaned in close and whispered into my ear. “Don’t worry. They’re great people. I see them almost every year.”
