“My bad.”
“And now I have to move back in with my parents.”
“Okay, I’d be sobbing, too.”
There was a long silence as I digested what she’d said. Was I really that black and white? That I had no compromise in me? That it had to be my way or the highway? I felt like I compromised on a lot of things. I’d gotten fired from my job for him, not that it was much of a job. Being a stringer at a newspaper was like being an Uber driver. I could show up for work when I wanted to and on my own terms. It was a job, certainly, but one where I worked only if I felt like it.
“I wanted someone to choose me.”
“Did you really want him to give up baseball for you?”
“Definitely not.” I sighed.
“Then maybe the person who has to choose you is you.”
I blinked, trying to sort through her words. “Come again?”
“Come on. Forget Rob, your parents, and all the pressures in your life. Imagine your perfect future. What do you see?”
“I don’t know!”
“Yes, you do. Really think. What do you want to be doing in five years? Ten?”
The answer spilled out. “I want to be like Rob. I want to have what he showed me back at spring break.”
“Hot sex?”
“No. Doing what he loves for a career.” I took a deep breath. “Even under the spotlight, even when the bases are loaded and it’s all on him, he loves baseball. Even when he sucks, he loves the game.”
“So? What do you love?”
Asking the tough questions.
My answer to Rob all those years ago echoed in my head. I loved asking the question that could make someone think, maybe even change his point of view. So what was that question for me?
“I’m going to be an investigative reporter,” I said, the decision feeling both absolutely right and absolutely terrifying.
“And how are you going to do that?”
“I’m going to finish that piece on Rob, for one. Then I’m going to use it to get my job back.”
“The crap one at theIndianapolis Sun?”
“Nope. A better one. One that will train me in what I want.”
“And what about Rob?” she asked.
I took a deep breath, steeling myself to say the words. “I’m walking away. Because I can’t be with him until I figure out me first.” Then I moaned. “But I was falling in love.” That was a lie. I’d not only fallen in love with Rob, I was completely drowning in it.
She sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“I was thinking about our babies. Twins. A boy and a girl.”
“What were their names?”
“Sam and Samantha.” It was a joke, and it made us both laugh. It also told my best friend that I didn’t hate her for making me face reality. And she returned the favor by inviting me up to Chicago to sleep on her couch if I couldn’t face my parents.
By the time we’d said goodbye, I had a plan in place. Twenty minutes later, I was burning through the internet looking for Jill Sullivan. Ten minutes after that I was driving to Nebraska. Because I didn’t think this was a conversation I could do over the phone.
