“What if I can’t make it as a journalist? I don’t want to just cook and clean for a man no matter how much sex there is.” Even if it was fantastic sex.
“There’s nothing wrong with taking a few months to really explore what you want to write. And why not play house with a hot guy while you do it? What you’re really worried about is how you’re going to put your heart back together when it’s time to say goodbye.”
That punched me in the gut hard. Was it obvious that we weren’t going to make it? That logic was right, and all my dreams of a house, kids, and Disney vacations were a lie? “You think we’re going to end in a few months.”
“Doesn’t matter what I think. Either way, do you really want to be that girl, Heidi? The one that doesn’t do anything for fear that she’ll be hurt? That gives up a great time with a great guy just because she’ll be a shattered mess when it’s all over? Is that you, Heidi?”
“You know it is.”
“So don’t quit your job. Stay in your crappy apartment and try to put together articles that you hate for a paper that pays for shit. And you know what? You’ll still be miserable. You’ll still feel shattered, but this time you won’t have the memory of a zillion screamingOs to soothe the pain.”
God, she always put things in perspective for me. Said like that, I’d be an idiot not to make the leap to living with Rob. Except, I couldn’t quite make my logical mind go there. I wanted to be in love with Rob. Iwasin love. That meant shared dreams and a wedding. But it was too soon to talk about that with him, and I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea of moving in without it.
“It’s just a few months, Heidi. And I know you’re thinking about your parents, but all you have to say is that you’re moving in with a friend to save money. They don’t have to know he’s a guy. And if you’re really worried, get a PO Box for your mail. No one needs to know the truth. Except me, of course. Because I need all the details. And I do mean every sweaty, pulsating, ecstatic detail.”
I chuckled because Sam could always make me laugh. And in the back of my head, I pictured myself moving in with Rob. I didn’t even know where he lived or how I’d fit into his space. He was in the middle of his season, so his life was pretty full. What would I work on when he was at practice or away at a game? What stories would I tackle if I had all the time in the world and someone else covering my bills? The possibilities were incredibly exciting.
“What if he doesn’t love me?” I said.
“You’ll fall apart. But that’s later.” She huffed out a breath. “You’re not marrying him, Heidi. You’re just making the sex more convenient by living in the same space.”
“Okay,” I said before I could stop myself. “Okay.”
There was a moment of stunned silence on the line. Then suddenly, Sam squealed in delight. “You’re going to do it? You’re going to move in with him?”
“Isn’t that what you’ve been saying I should do?”
“Well, yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”
I shrugged, trying to force the butterflies in my stomach to settle. “I’ve got to pack up my stuff anyway. Might as well put it in storage until I know what I’m doing with my life. And if I spend the next few months living the high life with a sports star, then why not live it in his bed?”
“Woo-hoo! You go, girl!”
We talked for another hour, made casual plans to get together in Chicago for a weekend sometime, and then finally said goodbye. Her last words to me were, “Don’t be afraid. Go for it!”
And so, high on her support, I did the most important thing on my to-do list. I called my boss and said I didn’t have a story on Rob, but I’d get him something better very soon.
Hank was nice about it, of course. He even listened to a few ideas. But in the end, he told me to turn in my press credentials. I was officially terminated from theIndianapolis Sun.
…
Rob
“Are you fucking crazy? You can’t let her move in with you.”
I stared at Nico and wondered how much trouble I’d get in if I clocked him right in the face. “Too bad. She’s moving in as soon as we can pack up her stuff.”
Nico grabbed my elbow and steered me toward his office. He’d pulled me aside after practice to verify the rumor he’d heard that Heidi was moving in. And when I said yes, he’d looked like he wanted to slap some sense into me. And that expression wasn’t changing.
“She can’t move in. She’s press.”
“She left her job, so there’s no conflict there.”
Nico rubbed a hand over his face. “Jesus, how many ways are you going to screw with this girl? You can’t have a relationship with her.”
He tried to pull me into his office, but I stood my ground. I’d agreed to play baseball for the Bobcats. I hadn’t agreed to let them control my life.
“She’s my girlfriend, and she’s moving in. End of discussion.”
