“Guess we won’t be watching a movie.” I gesture to the TV behind him.
Sal shakes his head, his beautiful dark eyes fixated on my lips until he snaps himself out of it.
“We can figure that out later. First, we’re going to talk.”
I visibly wince, not even bothering to hide it. I knew that was coming, and I’m still not ready. “I said a lot the other day.”
“You did. And I’m grateful for that. Now it’s time to talk aboutus. The future, not the past.”
And that’s what I’m nervous about.“Where do you want to start?”
“I have no idea. But before we do, I want you to know that I’m only pushing for this because I want a future with you. I want to do this right. I want us both to begin this relationship with our eyes wide open. And that’s where it gets hard.”
“I want the same, Sal. I do. The problem is, I’m actually more guarded than I ever realized. My darling mother pointed it out. I don’t want to be that way with you, only I can’t help it. It’s ingrained in me. A protective measure to look after my heart.” My heart pounds at the thought, and I wish I could tuck my knees up to my chest to protect myself now.
“Do you need protection from me?” Sal asks, his voice gravelly, his eyes locked on mine.
“No. Never. Only it seems to be my default setting.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Why would I ever need protection from you? You’re the most genuine person I’ve ever met.”
“Thanks, but I don’t mean me personally. I meanus. Maybe you’re subconsciously protecting yourself against getting hurt by the things you’ll miss out on in the future. Because of who I am.”
“What?” I shake my head aggressively until his meaning sinks in. “Fucking Easton.”
Sal laughs. “He told you we spoke then?”
“He did. And he shouldn’t have done that.”
“He raised valid questions, Keels.”
My pulse spikes as my frustrations rise, until it hits me that I might have it all backward. “Do you want marriage and kids?”
Sal’s shoulders drop as his eyes soften with sadness. “At this stage in my life, I don’t. I can’t. It’s not a reflection on you at all; it’s just not something I want to go through again. I’m not saying never, for the marriage at least, because I didn’t think I’d ever want another relationship either. Especially not one with someone closer to my daughter’s age than mine. Only, I don’t think I’ll change my mind again. As for kids. I… ahh.” He scratches the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “I’ve had a vasectomy. I know they can be reversed, but I’m already a grandfather and…” He trails off with an incredulous laugh. “I’m painting a lovely picture of myself, aren’t I?”
It’s probably the nerves mixed with relief, but a laugh bursts out of me. He doesn’t want marriage or kids. It’s not just me.
“I don’t want either of those things, Sal,” I finally admit, making him frown.
“You don’t know that. You’re focused on work right now and?—”
“I’m going to stop you before you say something that forces me to throw something at your balls. The gentleman I know and love would never try to tell me how I feel and…”Jesus. I subtly clutch at my chest. Why did my heart jump when I said love? Do I love him? I know I’m falling, but am I already there? We haven’t even had sex yet.
“Keeley.” Sal stands up and drags his chair forward before sitting back down and reaching for my hand, seemingly oblivious to my minor freak-out. His touch sets me on fire, and I almost flinch away from the burn.
“You know I didn’t mean to speak for you,” he begins, and I squeeze his hand to stop him again, because I do know that. He’s looking out for me. Only he doesn’t have all the facts.
“I’m not saying I won’t change my mind about getting married either, because like you, I don’t know what the futurewill bring. But I can say with absolute certainty that I don’t want kids.”
“How? You said so yourself—you’re a mother.”
“A mothertype. A protective hen. A carer of lost souls. There’s a big difference. The people I mother go home at night. They’re not dependent on me.”
“That’s debatable at times.” Sal smirks and a laugh bubbles out of me.
“You’re not wrong. Especially with some of the rookies. What I mean to say is that I don’t want kids of my own.”
