“Oh, Keeley. What happened? From the way Addie was talking, I thought you were together.”
“I think I like him. No, I don’t think that. I know it. Only it’s so freaking messy. And on that note, how are you not judging me right now? He’s your son’s father-in-law. The two of you share agrandchild.”
“Sounds like I don’t have to. You’re judging yourself enough for the both of us.”
“What? That’s not…”Is that what I’m doing?
“Isn’t it?” Mom poses the same question, and I pause to think about it. People have been judging my life choices since I was a kid, and I never cared.
Are you really staying home to do homework instead of coming to the party?
You’re so smart—you should be studying medicine, not PR and communications.
You’re working for a football team? You?
I’ve been judged for every decision I have ever made. Why do I care now?
My family has never judged me. Not once. And their opinions are the only ones that matter.
“I’m self-sabotaging, aren’t I?”
“I didn’t say that.” Mom shakes her head with a straight face until the edge of a smile gives her away.
“You were thinking it.”
“I wish I wasn’t. I’ve never had to worry about you. You’ve always made decisions based on what you want, not what anyone else tells you to do. And I truly admire that in you. But…”She trails off and I hold my breath, wanting someone to tell me what to do for the first time.
“But?”
“This is different. Love is a big deal. And?—”
“I’m not in love.”
“Stop. You know that’s not what I’m saying.”
Ugh, she’s right. But the tightness in my chest tells me my heart wants out of this conversation.
“Love makes you vulnerable. Love puts your happiness in someone else’s hands. Love can hurt. It can break even the strongest of souls. And you, my darling daughter, are one of the strongest people I know. You probably don’t even realize you’ve had your walls up all this time. Telling yourself that you’re too young, and that you’ll focus on love when the timing is right. After you’ve got yourself a well-established career.”
“What? No. That’s not what I’ve been doing,” I lie, badly.That’s exactly what I’ve been doing.And Mom sees right through it. Like I knew she would.
“The thing about love is that you can’t plan for it. It creeps up on you and bites you on the ass when you least expect it.”
“Stupid Cupid.” I pout, crossing my arms like a childish brat.
Mom laughs, but there’s a sadness behind her eyes, and I know what’s coming. “It’s hard enough for most of us to let down our walls. But you, Keeley—you’ve had so many reasons to build yours out of steel. Don’t let something as meaningless as age and labels stop you from finding that great love you truly deserve.”
I choke back tears, biting my cheeks to stave them off, refusing to get emotional. I’ve been telling myself for years that I wouldn’t let what happened to me shape my future. Turns out, I’ve been doing it without even realizing.
I suck in a breath as reality sinks in. Sal didn’t change things between us by telling me he wanted more.Idid by not tellinghim there and then that I wanted it all. He was baring his soul, admitting it was all-or-nothing, and I walked away.
An uncomfortable knot twists in my stomach, and I must physically react because Mom leans forward to grasp my hand.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think I’m a lot more messed up than I thought I was.” I throw my head back with a fake cry and mom laughs at my expense.
“Oh, Keeley. We all are. You’re not special in that regard.”
