“He won you over, didn’t he?Made you think that he’s this great guy.Invested in the community.Loving husband.Devoted father.Only wants what’s best for us.”Jonathan releases a cynical laugh.“Wore the best mask of his life outside of Clara’s.Because I didn’t do that to him.”
I open my mouth.My inhale to speak stops him.But then I press my lips together instead.
“What did you see?”Jonathan takes a step toward me.“Tell me, Sadie.What did you see?”
My voice is weak.“I saw you punch him.And… he looked afraid of you.”
He closes his eyes and releases a breathy laugh.“That’s why he looked like that.Because it sure as hell didn’t match the words coming out of his mouth.”
“What’d he say?”I ask quietly, afraid to know.
“I won’t repeat it.It was vile, and… I don’t regret hitting him.It’s the first time I ever have.”
“Really?”
This brings shadows to his face.“You don’t believe me?”
“I just…” Silence was working so much better.“Ryan said this happens a lot.I thought… I thought he meant—”
“That I beat my father all the time?”
I don’t respond.Which probably isn’t the time to stay quiet because Jonathan is shaking his head in disbelief.My body is vibrating with nerves because I don’t like the shift in the air.The accusation in his tone.“You meet himtwice, and you think you know him?You think you know what happens in that house.”
“Tell me!”I shock us both with the shout.“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.To know the truth!”
Jonathan yanks off his sweatshirt, along with the T-shirt beneath.I cup my mouth with a gasp.His body is covered in bruises.His side.His ribs.His shoulder.The sizes of softballs in various shades of purple, green and yellow.I can’t tell what is new or what was there before their fight.But it doesn’t matter.
Jonathan holds his arms wide.“Thisis what happens all the time.”
I blink, and tears drip onto my fingers, my hand still covering my mouth.I try to breathe, but the air passes in shudders and spasms through my chest.“I’m sorry.”
Jonathan yanks at his hair, still worked up.“I thought you’d figured it out—at least a little.”
How did I not know it was this bad?Had I never suspected before this year?Not even once?Or did I choose not to see what’s been right in front of me this entire time?Maybe I’m as blind as Collin accused me of being.Too protected to recognize my friends suffering while staring right at them.
I shake my head.“Let me help.We can tell someone.”
He laughs maniacally.“Help?”He raises his voice.“Help, Sadie?!I tried that.There isn’t anyone who can help me.I needed you to be my friend.To be my girlfriend.To actually love me.”
“I am.I do,” my voice pleads, almost hysterically.Panic rushes through me.I’m scared of where this is going—how it ends.I can feel us breaking, even as I try to hold us together.
“Really?”He’s pacing, clenching and unclenching his hands.He swipes his shirt off the ground and covers himself again.“My father tried to convince me my entire life that I couldn’t be loved.That my mother was afraid to love me.That my brother didn’t know better.”He points at me, accusing.“And then there was you.Who loved me unconditionally.Despite everything I’d done.Or so I thought.”Spit sprays from his mouth.“Except the one time your belief in me was challenged, you gave up.The moment I needed you most.”
He glares at me, like I’m the worst of them.My stomach hollows, and I feel like I’m falling.
“That’s not fair,” I say, finding strength in my words.Pleading for him to understand.That all I wanted was to be let in.“I didn’t know.How was I to know any of this when you didn’t trust me enough to tell me?!”
“Trust?Trust?Are you kidding?I’ve only ever trusted you.And Collin.”He points over my shoulder, where Collin stands by the garage door.“And the moment you got a glimpse of what you’re blaming me for not telling you… you…” He’s so furious, he can’t speak.Instead, he rounds his truck and opens the driver’s door.
“Where are you going?”I shout.“Don’t walk away!Please, Jonathan, don’t walk away from me!”
“No.That’s you, Sadie.”His eyes are locked with mine.“I always stay.I’m the one whocan’twalk away.You.You always do.”
His words slash through my heart.The cut deep and fatal.“You only ever see what you choose to see.Every time I try to show youwhyI am this”—he holds up his healing knuckles.I meet his challenging stare with determination not to flinch—“you look the other way.And the one time Ineededyou to see me, you saw a monster.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Iam shattered.A million jagged shards.With every word he spoke, the fractures spread, splintering deeper.I was always worried we were breakable.I never thought I’d be the one to send us crashing to the ground.
