With a bowed head, I follow after Collin as he unlocks the door and turns on the light.It’s freezing in the garage, so I zip my jacket up to my chin.Collin turns on the space heater before facing me.I haven’t stepped in farther than the door.
“Seriously, Sadie.I’m not going to break up with you or anything.Come sit.”He pats the counter.
I’m only a little relieved.I creep over and hoist myself onto the workbench.
“I’m sorry,” I say, knowing I need to be the first to speak.“I was terrible and shouldn’t have said what I did about your dad.”
“You were upset, but, no, you shouldn’t have.”
We look at each other, sorrow filling our eyes.He gives me a corner of a smile.“I still love you.”
“I love you too,” I tell him.And wait because that’s definitely a lead into something more.Some sort ofbut.
“But”—and there it is—“I don’t want to be on your island of misfit toys anymore.”
I narrow my eyes, not following.
“I’m not one of your causes, like the whales you took a two-week vow of silence for in fourth grade.Which was very confusing, by the way.Or the rainforest you collected pennies for in sixth grade.I know I don’t have the perfect home or world-leader parents.I don’t want to ever worry that our friendship is built on pity.”
My mouth’s been hanging open from the moment I understood what he was saying.“I don’t think that.I never have.You think Ipityyou?Of all people?!”
“Maybe you don’t.Maybe I got it wrong, but look at your friends, Sadie.A collection of the disenfranchised.You have one of every color—self-harm, abandoned, queer, neglected and angry at the world.”
“Which one am I?”I ask in challenge, so very insulted he sees me this way.
“You?”He shakes his head, like I’m not getting it.But I am.“You’re the philanthropic bleeding heart that feels guilty for living in the castle.”
“I thought you promised this wasn’t going to feel bad?”
“Hurts?”
I nod.
“Now you know how it feels to be looked at like a charity case.”
I stare at him, blinking the sting of his words from my eyes.“I’ve never been on the backhand of one of your verbal blows before, Collin.If this is you trying to punch as low as I did, you’ve succeeded.I feel like absolute shit.And if you think for one second that is true, why are we friends?”
He raises his brows.
“I love each and every one of you because you’re not afraid to be yourselves.Because you don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about you.”
His brows lift higher at my choice of words.I almost never swear.
“You’re brave.And funny.You each give me the courage to show up in all the bizarreness that is me.Because I’m like all of you.Exceptyou’reactually popular.And screw you for not seeing it, Collin Humphreys!I don’t care where I live or what’s in my closet.I’m just as lost in this stupid world as you all are.But it’s you who’s saving me, not the other way around.”
I’m all worked up.My face is flushed.I unzip my jacket to let some of the cool air get to me.
Collin presses his lips together.
“Are you smiling?”I accuse, glaring at him.
He shakes his head, but it’s obvious he’s fighting it.
“You basically accuse me of being superficial and like a… shallow, privileged white girl, and then you smile after I defend myself for, like, the first time ever!”
Collin lets the smile grow.“I’m proud of you.”
“Collin!”I holler, hopping off the counter and slugging him in the shoulder.
