I shake my head, the bitter taste at the back of my throat becoming the vile words on my tongue.“I can’t believe you just said that.If Jonathan was a girl, would you think he deserved it then?”
“What?Of course not.”Collin becomes more defensive.A shadow crosses over his eyes.I don’t recognize my best friend.
“Then why is this different?”My voice is stronger, a note of disgust in its strength.
“Are you mad atmenow?”Collin is defensive.He’s looking past me, unable to meet my eyes.“You go over there once, and you think you understand everything?No, they’re not the perfect family, like yours.But perfection creates its own damage.”
“What are you talking about?This has nothing to do with my family.”I’m off the stool, standing up to him despite the inches he has on me.I will not cower.
“You can’t go around judging people.”
“I’m not!”I’m yelling.He’s deflecting.Displacing.Or whatever this is.He’s throwing it back on me, like I don’t understand what’s right.“But you’re lying to yourself if you think that Hal hitting Jonathan is okay.”
“Truth is subjective.”His voice is dark without a hint of the boy I’ve trusted since we were kids.
“What does that even mean?”I bite back.“Collin, you can’t talk circles around this like you do with everyone else.You can’t hide your guilt with riddles.”
“Guilt?What do I have to feel guilty about?”Now his voice is raised.I stand in front of him so he can’t avoid me anymore.
“You let your best friend be hurt by his father.You saw it and did nothing.”
He yells into my face, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!You weren’t there!And you have no room to talk!”
We stare at each other.Collin’s cheeks are flushed with anger.He blinks it away, uncomfortable.We’ve never fought before.Never argued about anything, other than what toppings to put on a pizza.It’s why he’s been the one I go to all of these years.The one who listens without judgment.Who uses humor to heal.
Or deflect.
And now I look back at all of those times with a new perspective.
“Just because you didn’t want to see it, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”My words are low, almost sympathetic.But I’m still holding him to account.And he knows it.
Collin stacks bolts on the workbench, his back to me.
“That’s just how dads are with boys.You don’t understand.”
“How would you know?”My words are slicing.And I know it as soon as I unleash them.I close my eyes and bite my lip, wishing I could take them back.
Collin raises his head, and his eyes shine with hurt.“Go.”
“Collin… I—” But it’s too late.I went too far.
“Go home, Sadie.I don’t want to talk to you anymore.Not about this.Not about anything.”His jaw flexes as he attempts to rein in his emotions.“Get the fuck out, Sadie.”His voice is low, but his words nearly knock me over.
I stumble toward the door.My blood is racing with anger.My heart aches.I don’t know if I should apologize to make this better or scream at him to open his eyes.
A truck pulls in next to my car before I can reach it.
I can’t do this right now.
“Sadie…” Jonathan is a mess.His face is streaked with dirt or grease.His shirt is rumpled.His hair looks like he’s been pulling at it.“What did you see?”
He steps toward me.I take a step back.
Jonathan narrows his eyes.“I know you’re upset.But you don’t understand…”
His words are the same as Collin’s.Idon’tunderstand.Yet neither boy is helping me to see clearly.All I know is what I witnessed with my own eyes.And it scared me.
Jonathan takes another step toward me.I force my feet to remain still, but my pulse thrums with adrenaline.
