“Where’s your boyfriend?Did they allow you to invite him?”She’s persistent, not needing my attention or eye contact to keep poking at me.
“Who said you could sit with us?”Danika snaps, her arms crossed over her chest, towering over Livvy.
I press my lips together and direct my attention to Collin, who is watching this go down like all he needs is a bag of popcorn.
Livvy laughs.“Oh, please.You can’t still be upset.It was nothing.”
“C’mon, babe,” Oren coaxes, putting an arm around Danika.“It’s all cool.”
“You knewexactlywhat you were doing.You can’t pretend to be my friend and then betray my confidence.”She says to Oren, “She needs to go.”
“Why do you always have to overreact and shit?No one’s hurting anyone, but then you have to go and be like this.”Oren cocks his head like he’s fed up.I’m eyeing Collin, silently begging him to utter magical words and de-escalate this like he’s infamous for doing.But he continues to enjoy the show.
Danika eyes Oren suspiciously.“Want to join her?”
Oren lets out an exasperated breath.“I’ll be back.”He nods for Livvy to follow him.
“He just did that, didn’t he?Left with her?”Danika’s voice is strained.She crashes down next to me, anger rolling off her tense body.
I lean over so only Danika can hear me.“I didn’t think she’d show.She never has before.I’m sorry.”
Danika grinds out, “She has no idea what she’s started.I didn’t even tell you what she said to Oren after we left.Unbelievable.”Then she shakes it off with a shimmy of her shoulders.“Fuck her.This is your party.Not going to let her, orhim, ruin it.Want a drink?”
I shake my head.She gets up and struts toward the self-serve drink station.It takes a full minute for the urgency to leave my body—the desperate need to be anywhere else.
“You okay?”NowCollin notices my discomfort.I nod.
I scan the room in search of Jonathan.I’m tempted to call him, but my heart won’t be able to handle it if he doesn’t pick up.
The dance floor fills up as more of my classmates arrive.
“Wanna dance?”Collin asks, already standing in anticipation of my yes.
Our table clears just as Oren comes back to find Danika.I walk past him before he can ask where she went.I’m doing everything I can not to get in the middle of their drama.Witnessing it causes enough anxiety.
Flashing streaks of color illuminate the dance floor.I almost forget we’re on display to any adults who care to watch from above.Which is unsettling if I think too much about it.Although we’re probably more entertaining than anything going on upstairs.
I drape my arms over Collin’s shoulders and sway to the beat; he mimics with ease.He’s always been my favorite dance partner.My wings get bumped into one too many times.I’m contemplating removing them when I catch sight of a broad figure, cast in shadow, descending the stairs.
“What?”Collin asks, turning to look.The guy removes his black hood, and I deflate.Not Jonathan.
“Where is he?”I can feel annoyance bubbling up in my chest.But also hurt.
Collin frowns with a shake of his head.“I don’t know.He’ll be here.He knows how important this is to you.”He produces an exaggerated smile to try to make me laugh.I force one in return.We’re pretty pathetic.“I’ll try calling him again.”
Collin disappears through the crowd and up the stairs.I work my way back to the table.Random birthday wishes chase after me.I reply with a blanketed thank-you to whoever called out.Danika is sitting on Oren’s lap, talking into his ear when I reach the table.From the smile on Oren’s face, she’s forgiven himagain.
I don’t understand their hot-and-cold relationship.But I have no room to talk, considering I don’t even feel like I’mina relationship half the time.
I’m not sure what I have the right to feel in this moment.Am I overreacting?Iwantto be understanding and patient.It bothered me in a different way when we were just friends.Why does it feel more intense now?The last thing I want is to be a pathetic, needy girl.But no matter how much I try to rationalize, I can’t keep my heart from aching every time he doesn’t show up.
“Can you help me take these off?”I ask Danika, my voice reedy with emotion.I’m making every effort not to be upset.But the disappointment and hurt have taken on a life of their own, creeping up my chest and squeezing my throat.I swallow it back, but the emotional lump won’t budge.
Danika comes up behind me and unfastens the wings.My shoulders droop with relief.She hangs them on hooks on the back of the chair.Someone was smart enough to realize they’d drive me crazy after too long.
“They look cool there,” Danika admires.I flop down on the throne.“It’s even cooler when you sit with them flared out behind you.”She examines my face.“What’s going on?”
I shake her off, averting my eyes.I’m afraid to open my mouth because my feelings will have full rein over my words and I won’t be able to hold back the tears.
