“Tell me you’re not holding my hand right now because of the rumor she started.So no one will tease me like they did in fourth grade when I didn’t talk for two weeks in protest to help save the whales.Because you don’t have to protect me.”
“I’m not,” he assures me.“I’m holding your hand because I want to.Because we decided we don’t care what people say, remember?”
I want to enjoy it.Having Jonathan next to me, declaring to everyone that we’re finally more than friends.But Laurel’s taken that away from us with her pettiness.And I’m not convinced he wasn’t forced into it because he’s protecting me from becoming the victim of taunts and whispers—something he’s done more than once in my life.
Jonathan leaves me at the entrance to my English literature classroom with a small smile and a promise to find me later.I sit across from Collin, who is doing everything except look at me.When I inspect him closer, he ducks his head, fighting to hide a smile.
“Are you kidding me?Are you, like, twelve or something?”I accuse with a huff, knowing he’s acting all weird because he saw Jonathan walk me to class.
“Sorry,” he says, releasing the full volume of his goofy grin.“It’s just weird, seeing him see you, you know?”
“Gee, thanks,” I mutter, opening my notebook to prepare for class.
I realize he’s not the only one acting strange.A few of the girls in the front of the room giggle while looking back in our direction.Rumors suck.
Collin leans over so as to not be overheard by Melanie in front of him.She’d love nothing more than to add to the chatter.
“It’s just that we’ve been talking about—”
“Don’t,” I warn him, eyeing Melanie as she casually leans back, tilting her head.
Collin tears a piece of paper from his binder and quickly writes before Mrs.Thatcher can enter and confiscate it.He folds it in half and slips it to me across the aisle.
I read: We’ve been talking about your feelings for J for forever.It’s weird that it’s actually happening!I’m happy for you!Now don’t screw it up and ruin us.I’ll never forgive you.
The click of heels entering the classroom has me stuffing the note in my front pocket, a scowl on my face.
I refuse to look at Collin.I didn’t tell him right away after Jonathan kissed me.Not until I knew it was more than just a summer thing.But he’s known for nearly two months.Why is he suddenly afraid that whatever this is becoming could ruin our friendship?Because we decided to go public?It’s not like Jonathan kissed me in the middle of the hall.He just held my hand.
Jonathan’s waiting outside the classroom when we exit, his hand slipping into mine as if this is what we do.As easy as breathing.Except my lungs haven’t gotten the message and they spasm as I bite my lip to steady myself in this new reality.If I keep reacting like this, I’m going to give myself the hiccups.
Collin joins us on the other side of Jonathan.His dumb grin has resurfaced.Jonathan gives him a questioning look.
“Why do you look like that?Did you do something stupid again?”
Collin feigns innocence.“Me?I don’t do stupid things.”
We both stare at him.
“Well… I don’t mean to.”He looks between us.“I’m just getting used to this new dynamic.It’s entertaining me immensely.”
“You’re an idiot,” Jonathan says with a shake of his head.“You knew this was happening.So, get over it.”
I want to ask, What is happening exactly?I wish Collin would clue me in if he knows.
The rest of the school seems to want to know too.They stare, smirk and whisper as we pass.Their attention makes me feel like they know something I don’t.Like the rumors are true, and this isn’t real—that he’s holding my hand as some chivalrous gesture.Because we’re nothing more than friends… who occasionally kiss.
Jonathan glances at me and squeezes my hand.My mouth quirks into some semblance of a smile, but I probably look constipated.
“This is what you wanted, right?”he asks, doubt flitting across his face.
“Uh, yeah,” I choke out.“If you do.”
Collin leaves us before we reach my locker.
“What are you doing after school on Friday?”Jonathan asks, waiting for me to exchange my binders for physics.
“Nothing,” I answer automatically, not even sure that’s true.“Why?”
