“That was the best!”Jaz counters.“Don’t worry; we got you.”She opens her drawstring bag and inconspicuously reveals squirt guns, enough for all the girls, and winks.
Jonathan can’t put the sunscreen on my back without both of us breaking out in fits of laughter, which has our friends looking at us funny.The girls leave us to invade the parents’ rock for drinks and snacks.
“Don’t know if Sadie told you, but I’ll be sticking around Hollis next year,” Collin tells my brother.
“That would mean my brother and I talk,” I say, rubbing sunscreen onto my legs.
Gavin ignores me.“Really?You should come to the city whenever you’re bored of this place.”
I open my mouth to ask why he’d do that when he’ll be visiting us in Pennsylvania.Then shut it when Collin nods.“Sounds good.You can show me that bar that doesn’t look closely at fakes.”
Gavin chuckles.
I look between them.I can’t hold back any longer.“What is going on?”My eyes widen.I never would’ve believed.Not in a million years.I gape at Collin.“Are you the reason—”
“No,” Gavin cuts me off, knowing exactly where I’m going with this.“Heknowsabout it.”They exchange a look.“Last summer.”
Collin’s eyes widen.He suddenly gets it.“Oh!Right.I figured you knew.”
“From who?You didn’t tell me!”I nod to my brother.“Hewasn’t going to.”
“Right.”Collin nods in recognition of this truth.
“Can someone clue me in?”Jonathan asks.
“These two spent last summer—”
“Commiserating.”It’s Collin’s turn to cut me off.I snap my head back to him.He sighs in exasperation, like I’m the most imperceptive human.“While you two were sneaking around, making out, I started hanging out with Gavin.I had to drag his ass out of a party after he threatened some dude who kissed a girl he was seeing.And he kinda repaid the favor when my gooey phase became a never wanna see you again phase.”
“You’re friends?!”I yell way too loudly.
They both shrug.“I guess.”
“Who wants what?”Danika asks, bottles clutched to her chest.
When I return from the bathroom, inconveniently located across the street in the visitor center, the girls are dancing with our schoolmates, and the boys are daring each other to jump in the sub-arctic water.
My eyes gravitate to the top cliff and the sign that warns of danger.It’s used mostly for sunbathing, a place to isolate away from the crowd.
The last time I saw someone leap from that height was nearly five years ago.
Remnants from my nightmare resurface.And I need to get away from it.Or maybe it’s time I sit with it.Stop running away when I feel too much.Stop hiding when I don’t want to see what’s right in front of me.I know too much now to look away.
I slip on my dress and navigate the rocks and boulders along the river’s edge, to where the dirt starts filling in the gaps and trees provide shade from the sun.No one’s down here.Who wants to be in the shade on such a beautiful day?It’s easily ten degrees cooler here, the breeze sweeping the chill from the water over my skin, eliciting an eruption of goosebumps.
Under a tree rests a solid white granite bench, in sharp contrast with the sand-colored rock beneath it.
“What are you doing down here?”Jonathan asks, the sound of his voice spinning me around.
The memory of this spot leaches away the bliss bubble I’ve been in all day.“You didn’t have to come down here.”I can only imagine how hard it is for him.
“You’re here, so of course I did.”He stands beside me, taking in the bench.
“I’ve refused to remember what happened,” I tell him.“I think so I’d stop feeling so guilty.”
“Guilty?Why would you feel guilty?”His fingers trace along mine.“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Neither did you,” I tell him, searching his eyes.
