Their postures change as they prepare for the conversation.Jonathan strangles my hand, barely breathing.
“It appears you’ve decided to attend Penn State.Were you going to talk to us about it?”
“You knew I was applying,” I say, ready to present my case.“And you knowwhyI was applying.”I swear Jonathan sinks further into the cushions beside me.
“Yes, but we decide things as a family here,” my dad rebuts.“Not on a stage in front of hundreds of people.”
“I decided before then,” I argue, but the wrong point.Their frowns of disapproval have me apologizing.“What I’m trying to say is, this is my decision.My future.And I want you to be excited for me.But I’ve made my decision, fully aware of what could happen.”
“What does that mean?”Dad asks, his law degree in full effect.
“I don’t have to stay.Jonathan may be why I considered the school, but he doesn’t have to be the reason I remain there.I can always transfer if it’s not the right fit.Or when I finally decide my career path, I’ll determine if there’s a better choice.And I can take a gap year and travel if I feel really lost.”
My mother fights a groan.She doesn’t understand the fascination with gap years.She believes travel is earned after working hard for the luxury of it.My dad has a different take.But this isn’t the time to rehash this debate.
“And what do you have to say?”My mother directs her attention to Jonathan.
He straightens and stammers, “Uh, well, I support whatever Sadie feels is best.”
My mother snorts.She literally snorts.I don’t think I’ve ever heard her do anything so uncivilized.
“Don’t mess with me.She would never have considered this school if she wasn’t in love with you.Tell me this, would you stay with her if she decided to attend NYU or Connecticut College?Would your relationship survive if she didn’t attend the same university?”
“Yes,” he answers without hesitation.“She’s not just my girlfriend.She’s my best friend.And that won’t change, no matter where we are.”His voice builds with confidence the more he speaks.“I love your daughter, and I wouldn’t want her deciding anything solely because of me.It would hurt me more if she gave up on herself.Because that’s not the girl I fell in love with.”
I stare at him.When I look back at my mother, she’s fighting a smile.My dad looks like he’s struggling to swallow something too big to fit down his throat.
“Do you have anything else to say?”Mom asks us.We shake our heads.She turns to my father, who’s deliberately focused on the Persian rug.He shakes his head once.
I want him to look atme.To see how happy I am.He’s distant, and it hurts, like I somehow betrayed him.
“Your father and I will discuss it before anything is finalized.”
“Thank you,” I say and stand.Jonathan scans the room, like he’s expecting more.
“Is it okay if we go upstairs?We didn’t get a chance to talk after the talent show.”Before my mother can utter a word, I add, “I’ll keep the door wide open.”
She nods.
When I get to my room, I spin in excited anticipation of his reaction.He’s still stunned.“So?”
“Uh, which part?A lot just happened.”
“Was it a good surprise?”I ask, my stomach squirming with nerves.
When he finally understands that I’m asking about the performance, the light returns to his eyes.“You let us watch you dance.”
I’m suddenly aware of it, my skin prickling.He saw me for the very first time.Half the school did.“Was Collin there?”I couldn’t find him.
“Yeah.I’m surprised you didn’t hear him.He couldn’t stop cheering for you.”
I laugh.“And… you liked it?”I don’t know why I’m acting so uncertain.I’ve never needed anyone’s approval when it comes to my ballet performances.Not even my mother’s.I do it for me.BecauseIlove it.
“I’ve never seen anything, or anyone, more beautiful.”
We stand there, grinning like fools.I’m a second away from collapsing to the floor and kicking my feet in the air, not caring if he sees me do it.He’s witnessed my eccentricities before.
“Excuse me?”Dad shatters my delirium.“Jonathan, you should probably be heading out.”
