“Of course.” She looks up around behind me. “You’re lookin’ all kinds of shiny, big sister. ’Bout time!”
I don’t even try hiding my smile. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I joke sarcastically. Putting my fingers to my lips, I blow her a kiss. “It’s too nuts in here right now. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I shout up to her.
“Better!” she shouts and winks at me. “Alright, you savages,” she shouts to the crowd. “I’m feeling like life’s about to get all sorts of wild. Jo, you up for a dealer’s choice?!”
As I turn away and pull my phone from my back pocket, a familiar voice, close to my ear, says, “You look rather pleased with yourself.”
Turning quickly, knowing it’s not Julian, I smile and say, “Reed, hi.” The crowd pushes us too close together as he holds two shots of what looks like tequila, rimmed in salt with two tiny slices of lime floating in each. “You here causing trouble?” I ask jokingly.
But he looks at me as if he doesn’t see the humor in it at first. “I asked you first,” he answers, flashing me a smile back. It isn’t strange for him to be out at the bar, I just didn’t expect to see him in the packed crowd.
“I think I might be celebrating,” I laugh out. “Cheers!” And boldly, I take the shot from his right hand.
As I toss it back, I catch the eye of a university student sitting at one of the high-top tables, looking our way. Andi.Shit. I just downed a shot in front of a student. But then she closes her eyes tightly and then opens them like she’s trying to focus. That’s not good. I look toward the front doors, where Gail and Gina are still carding and charging cover. I’m going to have to talk to them about that in a minute, or at the very least have a word with my sister about closing out her tab.
Looking back at Reed, I notice the shot in his hand. He shifts slightly, and I let out a nervous laugh and ask, “You’re not going to have—” I cover my mouth with a wince, amused and a little mortified for assuming he was double-fisting two shots for no reason. “That was for someone else, wasn’t it?”
He gives me a tight-lipped smile.
“Okay, quick, you take that shot, and I’ll just snag you two more,” I tell him, fanning my hands forward, encouraging him to take it quickly so I can fix what I just interrupted. But it’s the way he looks at me that has me glancing at the shot glass again. I don’t have a chance to question him, though. Out of the corner of my eye, Andi looks like she’s about to fall over and onto the floor. Brushing past Reed, I rush to stand next to her, crouching slightly so she focuses on me.
“Andi, honey, are you alright?” I ask.
“Dr. Crowne?” she mumbles, almost slurring my name.
The band hits a louder chorus, the electric guitar riff is the cue everyone needs for the entire bar to join in. Stevie is on stage with the mic in hand, while Jo kicks her legs out, making the shot swing soar. I don’t see my mother or Birdie, at least not in this crowd of people.
“Andi, I think you might have had too much,” I try shouting over the noise. “Where are your friends?” And then she looks past me, eyes glassy and dazed with slow drawn-out blinks. I swallow roughly, knowing in my gut where she’s looking.What the fuck, Reed.When I turn slightly, peeking over my shoulder, Reed’s stepping up beside me.
He leans in close to me and says, “You remember what it’s like to have some fun with the TAs, right, Professor?”
A stone-cold chill runs from my spine and out through my limbs. I instantly feel sick at his words.
“What did you just say to me?” I shoot to my full height, hands still bracing Andi’s shoulders as I search Reed’s face. But the man looking back at me doesn’t seem like the one I thought I knew. The softness and kindness aren’t there. Instead, he stares, his mouth tilting into a smile that instantly makes me want to punch him and run.
When I hear Stevie over the microphone calling out shots, it stirs up something she said on one of her podcasts—something that stuck with me, and I couldn’t figure out why it hit me so hard when it did at the time.“The easiest way for someone to take your control is to manipulate your power to say no.”
My mind scrolls through what I know of Andi that I somehow missed. Thinking about what I witnessed at Birdie’s tarot table during the Full Moon Festival, even Andi showing up at family dinner...All of the behavior never would have pointed me to look at Reed the way I am right now.
Hands quivering with adrenaline, my mouth dries.
This isn’t going to happen.
My stomach recoils the moment I wonder if it’s happened before?
“That wasnottequila,” I say to him, laughing out loud. “Or they poured the cheapest tequila I’ve ever tasted.” My lips pucker from sucking on a quarter of lime.
He smiles at me, a charming, warm smile that I’ve always liked. He’s a good guy, but I don’t want to settle. And I don’t want to cross that line with him ever again. It was nice for him to be here, to support me during this keynote I’d been so nervous to deliver, but I wasn’t expecting to see him tonight. “I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much your friendship means to me,” I tell him, gesturing between us, trying to make it clear that while we’re enjoying a laugh and a drink, that line won’t be crossed again. But my fingers and arm suddenly feel heavier as I move them. Bitterness still lingering on my tongue, I swallow, blinking slowly.
Reed curls a piece of my hair behind my ear, and then stands from his stool. I didn’t like that he did that, but I don’t move fast enough to pull away. He leans into me and quietly says, “Friends? You don’t mean that, Professor, right? Or am I misreading things?”
Am I misreading things . . .
I stare at him, eyes wide open, in the middle of my family’s rowdy bar, paralyzed by the memory of the symposium night I’ve shoved down. It’s all flooding back into focus now.
“I’m not sure how I feel about that,”he continues, taking the empty glass from my fingers. “Why don’t we finish this in my room.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and then open, trying to focus on him.
