My gazeimmediatelydrewto the shadow before me. Itdidn’tlookany different, but I could sense the energy flowing from it to me and back—as a full circle.
Doing as Mother instructed, I wiggled my fingers just a tad—that buzzing sensation lessened now thatI’daccomplishedmy task. I watched, awestruck, as the shadow followed my movements perfectly.
“I did it!” I wiggled my fingers again, just in case Motherhadn’tseenthe first time.
I wanted her to be proud of me, I realized with a start. I wanted her approval.
And that single realization opened a gnawing pit in my gut.
Smiling, she responded, “Yes, you did. Now just—”
She was cut off as we both watched my connection to the shadow falter, thenfailas it slunk back into its original shape.
“What happened?” I demanded, though my hands had begun to shake.
“Shadows are fickle things, Dimitri. They take years of practice to—”
“But I don’thaveyears!” I reasoned,frustrationbubblinginsideme. And with those quickly emerging emotions—panic, anger, disappointment—a fraction of energy escaped me as the flames of the chandelier overhead grew and grew andgrew.
Shedidn’t understand. Ihadto master my abilities sooner rather than later, or we’d lose.Iwould lose, and I would fail at accomplishing the final task Father had given me. And if I couldn’t succeed,what was Ibesides a failure?
“Dimitri, reel yourself back in!” Mother’s hands clasped my shoulders, squeezing.
I centered myself on the feeling of her tight grip, gasping for air to counter the panic I felt.
Concentrating on the air entering my lungs, I clamped down on the loose energyI’dlet run wild.The flames overhead immediately returned to their normal, small size, though the ceiling betrayed the evidence of my outburst with black scorch marks.
Panting, I pulled away from Mother. Then, I retrieved thealychitecuff and clamped it down over her ankle.
“You’re dismissed,” I breathed heavily. “Don’t get caught heading back to your chambers.”
She was only allowed totravelthe castle through the hidden tunnels, though most of what she needed was brought to her chambers by either Val or Hugo.
“Dimitri, I—”
“Now!” I shouted, pointing in the direction of the hidden door in the corner of the room.
I watched as her face fell and her shoulders slumped. She lookeddefeated, almost. I knew Ishould’vefelt guilty, but Icouldn’tsee past my own need to be alone.
I refused to be that vulnerable—thatweak—before anybody else.
Including my mother.
As shedepartedwithout another word, I spiraled into a fit of disappointment and hatred—though I refused to admit to myself who I felt these emotions toward.
It’donly add to how inadequate I already felt.
And as the secret door shut behind Mother, my own spiraling mind engulfed me whole.
Chapter Thirty-One
The entire room broke out into chaos.
Each and everyone of us,save forTeagan herself, was speaking all at once—either to each other, or toward theRividianrulers across the table from us.
Surelywe could make them see reason or offer them something else in return for their help. While my arranged marriage to Byn had somehow—against all odds—been a success, thatgenerally wasn’tthe case, if history was to be trusted.More often than not, the two parties were stuck in a loveless, sad, lonely marriage—the twoonlytogether out of obligation.
If anybody deserved to grow old with somebody they loved, if anybody deserved to be happy, Teagan did. Even in just the monthsI’dbeen in the South, I could see how much she sacrificed not only for her people, but for her family and friends.
